Super HOODSLAM II Turbo: Championship Edition
Victory Warehouse, Oakland California
August 22, 2010
The show opened with a welcome from our commentary team, and a musical performance by Einstye. The fast metal set the tone for an exciting show, and the largest crowd in Hoodslam history was ready for action! The commentary team this evening consisted of the returning Kevin Gill, from the original Hoodslam, and Master Spliffer, who took up the post at Hoodslam 2: Secret of the Booze. Between the two of them, they had seen everything Hoodslam, and their knowledge and expertise shined throughout the event.
1. Super Red Rhino 2010 v. MsChevious
Both were new faces to the Hoodslam crowd, and Super Red Rhino 2010 won them over early by saying some kind things on the microphone. MsChevious also got support, showing no fear in facing her musclebound male opponent. But before things could get underway, Steven Segal returned and had some words for the crowd as well. He stated that not only is an accomplished actor and a world class martial artist, but he is also a licensed professional wrestling referee, and he would officiate this match. It was back and forth, shades of Bruno v. Zybsko, but both combatants continually felt annoyed by the strict officiating of Steven Segal. Before long, they both attacked him, but the expert martial artist countered and left both lying after snapping their necks. He then administered a ten count, and declared this match a draw.
2. Villano 510 v. El Luchador Magnifico
Hoodslam was proud to bring this long and storied feud to the United States, but before the match could begin, Villano 510 wanted to say some things about his crime family, and his opponent. Halfway through the diatribe, a familiar face came from the back and attacked the luchador. Despite Villano 510 no selling and continuing to be an ass, he was too injured to compete in the match, and it was delayed till later in the event. He eventually left, but his attacker remained in the ring.
The karate gi wearing, red head band adorned attacker got on the microphone, and told everyone that he was indeed RYU from Street Fighter, and that he was disgusted by the blatant infringement taking place at Super Hoodslam II Turbo: Championship Edition. After stating that “You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance” he issued an open invite to anyone in the locker room willing to take him on.
The sounds of “What is Love” quickly filled the arena, and the Knights of the Roxbury, Anthony and Johnny “Drinko” Butabi made their way to the ring. Anthony Butabi got in the ring, but declared that he didn’t want to fight Ryu, but extend his hand in friendship. He then began to sing “You’ve got a friend in me” by Randy Newman to the confused Street Fighter as the crowd audibly displayed their disapproval. Ryu rejected his friendship though, and the match was underway.
3. Ryu v. Anthony Butabi
Many were confused how this would take place, and after seeing it, many still are. Ryu was able to counter much of the Knight’s offense with Dragon Uppercuts, and eventually laid him out with an amazing spin spin spin kick. As he posed over the downed Butabi, Johnny Drinko Butabi charged the ring and smashed a bottle over his head, which received a DQ from Referee Pink Panther.
Ryu wins by DQ
Paramedics rushed the scene, but Ryu brushed them off, declaring that “you must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance” before leaving in a rage. The Butabi’s however, were dismayed that the paramedic would “come to help a non-hoodslam-er, over a hoodslam-er”, and after a bit of arguing, he attacked the young girl and the match was on.
4. Johnny “Drinko” Butabi v. Paramedic Jess
Again, another technical wrestling clinic was put on by a Knight of the Roxbury. After subduing his opponent, Johnny Drinko went for a bottle and began to chug violently before administering a death blow. He over drank however, and left himself open to one of the most lethal moves around, the stunner, and the paramedic picked up the win.
Paramedic Jess wins by Pinfall
As the paramedic celebrated, Anthony Butabi checked on his fallen brother. He was unable to awaken him though, and quickly called for assistance from the paramedic and referee Tobias. When their efforts proved useless, the paramedic called for a stomach pump, and one was quickly rushed to the ring. As the tension grew in the building over the fallen Hoodslammer, the possibility of another Butabi dying in Oakland became more and more real. Suddenly, Drinko nipped up in a surge of energy, and started attacking the Tobias and Paramedic Jess. He then attacked his own brother Anthony Butabi. As the bodies lay in carnage around him, Drinko retrieved the stomach pump, and took the top off. As the fans chanted “chug chug”, the paramedic, Tobias, and his own brother Anthony attempted to talk him out of it, but it was to no avail, as Johnny Drinko Butabi redrank the alcoholic contents that were medically removed from him, and the crowd had to think about what they really just cheered.
At this point, the commentators began to recap all the things they had seen, including mentioning Referee Pink Panther issuing a DQ in Ryu v. Anthony Butabi, something that had never before been done in Hoodslam. The Pink Panther overheard this, came to the commentary booth, and explained in no uncertain terms that he was a wrestling referee, and that bottles, chairs, and other antics have no place in wrestling. He calls it old school, and he calls it down the middle. Pink Panther: stern. stern but fair.
5. El Luchador Magnifico v. Villano 420 (replacing the INJURED Villano 510)
After the vicious beating Villano 510 no sold at the beginning of the show, he came to the back and passed out, having to back out of his match against El Luchador Magnifico. But before he blacked out, he made a call to his relative in the Bay Area, Villano 420, and had him take his place in the match. This contest was back and forth lucha libre action the likes of which the Hoodslam crowd had never seen. After many high flying maneuvers, El Luchador Magnifico was able to pick up the win, and another tally to his side in his long feud against the Villano Crime Family.
El Luchador Magnifico wins by Pinfall
The Hoodslam crowd then watched a belly dancing performance, and a short intermission.
6. Otis the Gimp w/Mistress Lina v. The D.E.A.
Since the first Hoodslam (Victory: Hoodslam, April 11th, 2010) Otis and the D.E.A. have been in an escalating feud with no end in sight. First Otis defeated the D.E.A. rookie. Then he and Rasta Mysterio battled to a draw against the Head of the D.E.A. and CJAY Kurze. On this night, it was one and one, and they were aiming to settle the score. In a match that could never be shown with a NC-17 warning, Otis and the D.E.A. battled it out to the excitement of the Hoodslam crowd. As it seemed that Otis and Mistress Lina had the match won, a fan from the crowd reached out and tripped Otis, allowing the D.E.A. to sneak a quick win.
The D.E.A. wins by Pinfall
After the match, the head of the D.E.A. got on the microphone, and introduced everyone to the fan that interfered. He was indeed a Narc, a plant in the crowd that smoke and drank with all the fans, only to turn his back on them all for the government. Otis then issued a challenge to the D.E.A., the Narc, and anyone else they wanted to bring, against Otis and any friends he would bring, and the winner would get to call the matches at the next Hoodslam. It was agreed, and the main event was set for later in the evening.
As the crowd settled and the commentators talked about the ramifications of what they just heard, Reverend Helfyre and the Zombie Army made their entrance, berating the fans and spitting a green liquid out of their mouths and onto anyone that got close enough. After a few short, brief words from Helfyre, Helfyre talked for another 15 minutes, mostly incoherent ravings from a lunatic that you would expect from the Reverend. His main points, muddled in all the madness, was that Juiced Lee is a coward for not showing to Hoodslam. The man who never ran from a fight won’t even show up to fight something dead. Second, Christina Von Eerie, who was supposed to fight the team with Rasta Mysterio, also no showed, although for very different reasons. He then mentioned that anyone who wanted to willingly become a zombie had their chance now, and those who didn’t would later face the same fate anyway. Rasta Mysterio then made his entrance, not wanting to be a zombie, but ready to fight both Zombies in a handicap match.
7. Rasta Mysterio v. Zombie Sheik Khan Abadi & Zombie Vinny Butabi w/Reverend Helfyre
This match was mayhem. Early on it became apparent that Zombie Sheik felt no pain, and while he can be attacked, he would not stay down long. Soon Zombie Vinny came into the ring too, and the two on one seemed too much for the Rasta warrior. He then busted out a taser, and shocked the Zombie Sheik, sending him into convulsions. In an attempt zap Vinny, he missed, and tased Senior Official Referee Winnie the Pooh. Referee Pink Panther was out next, but Rasta Mysterio willingly tased him when he tried to get him to drop his weapon. Then Master Spliffer from the commentary table said he had this covered, but shortly became intrigued by the taser, and purposely shocked himself. Then Nick, the bass player of Einstye, told Kevin Gill that he’s got this, and ran into the ring. Kevin Gill tried to talk him out of it, but it was too late, and Nick was quickly bitten by Zombie Vinny Butabi. Zombie Sheik Khan Abadi had awaken from the shock at that point, and began attacking fans outside the ring. Kevin Gill left the table, took off his shirt to reveal a Referee shirt, and took on his role he perfected as JCW Senior Official. Amazingly he also continued his commentary skills with a cordless microphone. Rasta Mysterio downed Zombie Vinny, momentarily dropped the Reverend Helfyre, and then powerbombed the Zombie Sheik through a table on the floor. He then quickly made the cover and Referee Kevin Gill counted the three.
Rastya Mysterio wins by Pinfall
After the match, Zombie Vinny and Reverend Helfyre carried the limp body of Zombie Sheik out of the building. Some say the impact of the table knocked the zombie out, while others say the back of his head hit the wall or table, killing his zombie brain entirely. All that is clear is that a zombie had finally stopped moving.
There was another belly dance and intermission, and then the Knights of the Roxbury made their way to the ring.
Drinko enthralled the crowd with deep words of wisdom that all who heard would surely hold in their heart for eternity. He also mentioned the Street Fighters, and had harsh words that may have been every line from after a Street Fighter match ever, including but not limited to: “seeing you in action is a joke”, “handsome fighters never lose battles”, “go home and be a family man”, and many others. Ryu came out to the ring, and told the Knights he had a match for them, but it won’t be two on one, but two on three. He then introduced “the bosses of bosses” Barog and Sagat.
8. The Knights of the Roxbury v. Sagat, Balrog, and Ryu
This match defies words. I recommend that anyone who wants to be a wrestler, is a wrestler, or likes America watches this match on youtube or any future hoodslam dvds. It defines an industry. The heavens opened up and their gift to wrestling was the Street Fighters v. The Knights of the Roxbury. In the heat of battle, Kevin Gill said what the world was thinking: “This is real”. In the end, the street fighters won.
Street Fighters win by Referee Pink Panther’s decision
Ryu got on the mic, and stated that you must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance, and that he had heard the challenge earlier from Otis, and they would offer their friendship and services to the D.E.A. in the main event. The D.E.A. and the Narc came to the ring, and the five of them filled the ring. Otis the Gimp made his entrance with Rasta Mysterio and the Banana, and the lines were drawn. Just as the match was to start, Referee Pink Panther stated that in the interest of fairness, this matches ramifications are too big to be left to just those in the ring. So all Hoodslammers are now eligible in this match, and this match is a battle royal.
9. Battle Royal for control of next Hoodslam
This match was insanity as the Knights of the Roxbury, the Street fighters, the Zombie Butabi, the D.E.A., the Narc, Otis the Gimp, Rasta Mysterio, the Banana, and others filled the ring. In the end, it came down to the same 5 on 3, and it looked like the Hoodslammers had lost hope. But then the doors swung open, and the man from the corner made his way to the ring. To those unclear, the man in the corner has sat above the crowd in the same spot at every hoodslam. He sat alone, in dark clothes, with dark glasses, and never reacted to anything he saw. But on this day he came down, and entered the battle royal. The Hoodslammers thought they were saved, but then the man in the corner brutally attacked Rasta, Otis, and The Banana, eliminating all from the battle royal. The Street Fighters and the D.E.A. were declared the winner by referee Pink Panther.
D.E.A. and Street Fighters win control of Hoodslam
After the match, Ryu and the Street Fighters thanked the man in the corner, and introduced him to the crowd as SHENG LONG! The Street Fighters thanked their mentor, and the D.E.A. declared that at October 10, 2010, at the Victory Warehouse the show would be HOODSLAM V. CAPCOM 2: F### THE FANS ALPHA! And at this show, the D.E.A. and the Street Fighters will be running the show!
HOODSLAM V. CAPCOM 2: FTF ALPHA
Sunday October 10, 2010
Victory Warehouse, Oakland CA