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RESULTS: 3/4/17 GET YOUR ASS TO MARCH III

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Hoodslam & ArnoCorps: Get Your Ass to March III – Bigger, Badder, Ballsier

 

Friday, March 3, 2017

Oakland Metro Opera House

Oakland, CA

Paid attendance: sold out

 

Tonight’s musical guest was the greatest band of all time, ArnoCorps.

 

Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody.

 

ArnoCorps set 1: Total Recall, Terminator, You Lack Discipline.

 

1. Brittany Wonder def. Pizza Cat.

 

Doc Atrocity entered the ring followed by Zombie Gorilla Vinnie Butabi (with two-headed baby Hoodslam) and his old clown henchmen Giggity and Botchy. The Aliens Drucilla, Troof and Conundrum officially thanked and awarded Doc Atrocity for saving the universe from The Walking Phoenix in January. Their mission completed, the Aliens returned to space.

 

The CAUTION (Caution!) “The LINK to the Future” Anton Voorhees and “The Talent” Ean Hancement interrupt Doc Atrocity to finish their deal: they hand over the title of Best Athlete in the Eastbay to Brittany Wonder, and he would return a repaired DARK Sheik robot to them. However, the physical Golden Fannypacks were stolen by Johnny Drinko Butabi, and Doc Atrocity did not see this as fulfillment.

 

Anton calls out Drinko, but instead gets the team of James C. and the returning JUICED Lee – looking for revenge after all 3/3rds of The CAUTION (Caution!) broke JUICED Lee’s arm in October. Fucking finally, we have a match…

 

2. James C. & JUICED Lee def. The CAUTION (“The Talent” Ean Hancement and “The LINK to the Future” Anton Voorhees).

 

3. Ken Masters def. Virgil Flynn III.

 

ArnoCorps set 2: Commando, Real American, I’m Ballsy, Mr. Freeze

 

4. Triple threat match: Johnny “Drinko” Butabi def. Ryu and Mr. Freeze.

 

Following the match, Doc Atrocity demanded that Drinko give him the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks that Drinko stole from Anton Voorhees, lest he send Drinko into an alternate dimension by way of a portal he built – as he did The Walking Phoenix. The CAUTION (Caution!) comes out and Anton Voorhess willingly voyages into the portal, in a mad attempt to find the actual DARK Sheik, who was lost through the same portal 4 years ago.

 

“The Talent” Ean Hancement was granted an opportunity to win the Fannypacks back from Johnny “Drinko” Butabi at EnterTania, but if he loses he is banished from Hoodslam. If he wins, Doc Atrocity has said he will only return 1 favor: pulling Anton back, or returning a repaired DARK Sheik robot.

 

5. Intergalactic Tag Team Championship: The Stoner Brothers (Rick-Scott Stoner and Scott-Rick Stoner, champions) def. the “Last Action Hero” villains (Benedict and The Ripper) to retain.

 

6. Tag team match: The New U (“Brutal” Rob Hands and Coach Joey Nuggs) def. Red Sonja and Conan the Barbarian.

 

ArnoCorps set 3: Predator, Eraser, Exactly, Pumping Iron.

 

7. Tag team match: Cereal Man and “The Dark Noche” Bat Manuel def. Team GAME OVER (Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer “P.O.N.G.” and Fucking Obese Nerdy Gamer “F.O.N.G.”

 

With this victory, Cereal Man earned the right to face P.O.N.G. for the Golden Gig in the main event of EnterTania. P.O.N.G. then made the match a match that P.O.N.G. has never lost – a Japanese Console War Death Match.

 

ArnoCorps came out for an encore performance with Last Action Hero.

 

Got pics or vids from the show? Post them with #hoodslam

 

You can watch a live stream of every first Friday show, and get every Hoodslam ever recorded on-demand, by subscribing to the Hoodslam YouTube channel for $1.99/month (includes free two week trial). Search “Hoodslammery” on YouTube.

 

Hoodslam runs at the Oakland Metro Opera House every first Friday of the month and will return on Friday, April 7 for Hoodslam’s biggest show of the year, EnterTania VII. Tickets available now: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hoodslam-presents-entertania-vii-tickets-32547866545

 

Follow Hoodslam on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube, all @hoodslam.

 

Hoodslam is a 21+ event. DON’T BRING YOUR FUCKING KIDS!

 

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If you already do, youd know this match had been up for about a week! We sneaky like that.

 

After all the dudes wrestled in their skirts, wigs, glitter and lace,  we let the girls take it home in the main event of our 2nd night of Femmed Out. A female celebration could only end with an all gal finale!

“Unleash the Animal [s]!”

We have footage of the annual return of the Smoking Hot Boobs! This year with a twist; since they fought the guardians of a galaxy, they took on the likeness of a familiar fighter/actor. Drax the Destroyer, Dave Bautista, whoever; they got nothing on BOOBTISTA

A “Toxic” Entrance

From Femmed Out NIGHT TWO 2/4/17, a special 5 way elimination match featured a series of pop divas; one entrance we’d like to share comes from a soulful catholic girl from the south…full event avaliable on our HOODSLAMMERY YouTube page!

ARNOCORPS RETURNS 3/3

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So good, that on 3/3 we do it a third time! Miss last two years events and don’t know how BALLSY it is? STUPID LUCKY YOU; here’s a highlight reel on our super awesome way subscribable youtube page-o-rama to catch you up! Oh yeah, tickets are available on eventbright yester-NOW. EXACTLY!

Both of these FULL EVENTS are available on the 1.99 a month all the Hoodslam all the time Hoodslammery page (linked on our sidebar), which also gives you the live stream of our event’s for like the cost of a bag of chips.  We fuck the fans, but we’re a cheap fuck.