It looms near! On Monday we return to Sacramento after a 4 year absence. Here are the first TWO matches!
Tickets on sale at the door and on eventbrite, special 15 dollar monday n shit!
Oakland Metro Operahouse
We know the line gets a little long, so the Stoner Brothers and Stoner U have been helping us out with a monthly pre-show Stoner U Showcase!
-2. Super Beast defeated Peanut Butter Jelly Banna with a running powerslam into the corner and mat, aka Oklahoma Stampede.
-1. #SINGOFTHERING Tournament Opener: Ryu defeated Brittany Wonder with Backstreet Boys “i want it (that way)”
– Your hostest with the moistest Broseph Joe Brody did commentary, with music by The Hoodslam Band!
1. Shotokan Dojo (Ryu and Ken) defeated The New U (Coach Joey Nuggs and Brutal Rob Hands)
– SophEans Choice: Best Athlete in the East Bay Ean Hancement relinquished his Championship to Doc Atrocity, who in return returned “Link to the Future” Anton Voorhees from the multiverse. James C, visibly distraught about the injury and absence of his partner Juiced Lee, attempted to replace Anton as Ean’s Best Friend.
2. Anton Voorhees defeated James C to remain friends with Ean Hancement.
– Doc Atrocity awarded Brittany Wonder the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks, making her champion. He then introduced her to a surprise opponent.
3. Brittany Wonder defeated Nurse Ratchet to retain Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks.
4. Team GAME OVER (PONG and FONG) defeated the reunited Anthony Butabi and Johnny Butabi after Johnny *checked out* and watched Anthony get pinned. The brothers agreed that though they cared for each other, both wanted to do their own thing without their brother.
– Drugz Bunny addressed the crowd as winner of last months CM PUNK MEMORIAL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT BATTLEBOWL CHAMPIONSHIP Trophy. This allows him any match with any Hoodslammer anytime. He informed everyone that he DOES intend to challenge Golden Gig Champion ( Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer ) PONG, but when hes good and ready, as hes aware his coke addiction can make him impulsive.
Cereal Man, who PONG narrowly defeated in the ENTERTANIA VII main event, told Drugz Bunny that he needed one more shot at PONG. He needed Drugz to give him his trophy so he could get onelast chance. Drugz did not agree, and the two surprisingly decided to wrestle about it.
5. Drugz Bunny defeated Cereal Man to retain his CM Punk Memorial Trophy.
6. The Stoner Brothers & ECW/WWE/Lucha Legend Super Crazy defeated Virgil Flynn III & El Chupacabra & “Dark Noche” Batmanuel to retain Intetgalactic Tag Team Championship Titles.
Totally 90s EXTREME! – May 14th – San Francisco – DNA LOUNGE
Monday Night Hoodslam – May 22nd – Sacramento – DISTRICT 30
Chasing Waterfalls- June 2nd- Oakland- Metro Operahouse
Read us on social! Look at us on Instagram. Watch us on youtube! Hollar when you see us on the street!
Birdswillfall.com , FTF
Thats right, the man will be in the house for Hoodslam: WUBBALUBBADUBDUB ! If you missed his surprise appearance last month, FEAR NOT! Not only can you see him live in Oakland, but heres his debut at ENTERTANIA VII from our youtube channel! Subscribe, share, consume consume consume.
Its here! We’re excited, how about you? Down a drink, burn a bowel and soak it in through the lens of a whiskey tinged smokeful Oakland eve! Or if youre not in to that, just jump in. Its a bunch of cool stuff regardless, prep isnt really necessary.
THANX MARK JOHNSTON FOR YOUR STURDY EYE AND KEEN HAND.
Hoodslam: EnterTania VII
Friday, April 7, 2017
Oakland Metro Opera House
Paid attendance: ???
Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody.
Tonight’s musical guest was Seven Years in TiButt
1. Rock the Promo championship: “Broseph” Joe Brody (champion) def. #FormerlyCreative John Carle, former WWE writer to retain the Rock the Promo championship.
2. Stoner U showcase match: Superbeast def. Richard Shhhnary.
1. C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Tag Team Tournament match: Virgil Flynn III and Fucking Obese Nerdy Gamer (F.O.N.G.) def. Brittany Wonder and Anthony Butabi to advance to the C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl later in the evening.
2. C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Tag Team Tournament match: “The Dark Noche” Bat Manuel, Laura James, and “Super Barrio Brother” Jesus Kruze def. “Brutal” Rob Hands, Ken, and “The Russian Party Machine” Zuta to advance to the C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl later in the evening.
3. American Bad Ass Scorpiundertaker (with Kitana Durst) def. Prawn Cena.
4. C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Tag Team Tournament match: Rick-Scott Stoner and Ryu (with Cammy and Cammy’s Ass) def. “The Mexican Werewolf” and “The Insane Luchador” Super Crazy to advance to the C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl later in the evening.
5. Career vs. Fannypacks match for the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks: “The Talent” Ean Hancement (representing The Caution [CAUTION!]) def. Johnny “Drinko” Butabi to become the new Best Athlete in the East Bay.
6. C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Tag Team Tournament match: JUICED Lee, Scott-Rick Stoner, and Drugz Bunny def. Coach Joey Nuggs, James C., and “The Pumpkin Queen” Sage Sin Supreme to advance to the C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl immediately following this match.
7. C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Championship over-the-top-rope battle royal: Drugz Bunny def. Virgil Flynn III, Fucking Obese Nerdy Gamer (F.O.N.G.), “The Dark Noche” Bat Manuel, Laura James, “Super Barrio Brother” Jesus Kruze, Rick-Scott Stoner, Ryu Roddy Piper, and Scott-Rick Stoner to become the C.M. Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Tag Team Tournament champion. JUICED Lee sustained an injury in the previous match and could not compete.
8. Japanese Console-War Deathmatch for the Golden Gig: Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer (P.O.N.G., with F.O.N.G., representing Team GAME OVER) def. Mecha Cereal Man (with Doctor Frederick Allbran of Cereal Industries) to retrain the Golden Gig.
Got pics or vids from the show? Post them with #hoodslam
You can watch a live stream of every first Friday show, and get every Hoodslam ever recorded on-demand, by subscribing to the Hoodslam YouTube channel for $1.99/month (includes free two week trial). Search “Hoodslammery” on YouTube.
Hoodslam runs at the Oakland Metro Opera House every first Friday of the month and will return on Friday, may 5 for Hoodslam: Wubba Lubba Dub Dub. Tickets available now: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hoodslam-presents-wubbalubbadubdub-tickets-33517219907
Follow Hoodslam on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube, all @hoodslam.
Hoodslam is a 21+ event. DON’T BRING YOUR FUCKING KIDS!
There was more to it, but thats the jizzt. You can read for yourself by clicking here! We’re not fighting to change the world. We just dont give a fuck. But know that you are welcome in our homes, unless youre like a white supremacist homophobe or part of daesh. Then you can save your $20 bucks, we dont want it.
One of the more twisted tales we’ve been told to tell, so goes the story of what may be the end of The CAUTION (CAUTION).
Ean Hancement, Anton Voorhees and DARK Sheik were 3/3rds of the most arm breaking group in Hoodslam history. Batmanuel, El Sparko, Juiced Lee, Charlie Chaplin: all had to take a broken wing and learn to fly again. Ean and Sheik held a firm grip on The Best Athlete in the Eastbay Golden Fannypacks. Anton had his sights on the Golden Gig.
But as swiftly as the tides rises, it breaks and pulls back; DARK Sheik was revealed to be a broken robot, built to resemble the original Sheik who’d been lost in the dimensional portal accidentally created by Doc Atrocity 4 years ago. Johnny Drinko and Anton Voorhees battled over the Gig so often, they both focused on each other and neither could dethrone the Champions, Drugz Bunny or subsequently PONG. The Best Athlete Award was lost, and the finish line to the Golden Gig rapidly diminished in the horizon…
Anton, coming to terms with his partners robotic shortcomings, agreed to a deal with Doc Atrocity: he would hand deliver the Best Athlete Fannypacks, and the Dr would fix the inoperative DARK Sheik to function once more. Anton would win the Fannypacks, but before they could be delivered, they were stolen by Johnny Drinko. With no physical title, Doc decreed the deal incomplete.
Im a fit of madness, Anton hurled himself through Doc Atrocity’s dimensional portal, in an insane attempt to find the original organic DARK Sheik that had been lost to the multiverse 4 years ago. Doc could retrieve him, he told Ean, but he still wants those Fannypacks.
Johnny Drinko delighted in the mental collapse of his enemy Anton. He relished in the breakdown of the robotic DARK Sheik. Without wrestling a match, he had won the silent war with The CAUTION. Except one last thread…or third.
Ean Hancement finds himself in a pickle; he must attain Fannypacks to either fix his robotic mentor or return his human friend- Doc Atrocity will only do one favor. But first he must get Drinko to return the Golden Fannypacks – technically still belonging to absent-from-this-dimension Anton Voorhees. Johnny Drinko made another deal: he’ll return the Fannypacks to Ean so he can make his choice IF Ean beats Drinko at Entertania VII.
But if Drinko wins, Ean must leave Hoodslam, and The CAUTION will be erased forever…gone with the tide.
Thats 15 total! The last 5 will be revealed live in the ring, when it happens! Many familiar faces, a couple fresh one too! What a neat world we live in. But who will win the living embodiment of manifest destiny, the CM PUNK Memorial Trophy?
Did you miss the piece NatGeo ran about Kayfabe, directed by Barry Blaustein (“Beyond the Mat”), and featuring the accidental phenomenon, Hoodslam? EXPLORER season 10 episode 5, the last ten minutes? (The centerpiece on rhino horn black market trade was fascinating too!)
Fear not, we have the whole segment on our facebook page. Check it out here!
Also featuring Bubba Ray Dudley, Jim Cornette, Matt Striker, Tommy Dreamer, and hosted by Dan freakin’ Rather!