HOODSLAM V. CAPCOM 2: F*ck the Fans ALPHA
Commentary – Kevin Gill
Ring Announcer – Ike Emilio Burner
Music – Einstye
Referees – Senior Official Winnie the Pooh, Pink Panther, El Sparko, Steven Segall, Junior Official Scooter Anderson (rip)
Paramedic – Paramedic Jess
Jew Lawyer – Gordy Bombstein
As always, HOODSLAM would like to thank all the fans who came and supported us for our fourth show. The amazing crowd of around 100 loud and energetic people definitely set the mood for the night and only got more electrifying all the way to the end of the show! Everyone involved with HOODSLAM sincerely give their deepest appreciation to everyone who attended HOODSLAM V. CAPCOM 2: F*ck the Fans ALPHA!
HOODSLAM would also like to put over the performers at this event, as everyone involved in the show helped put on what has been called not only the greatest HOODSLAM ever, but the event of the year!
The show began with music from EINSTYE and the welcomed return of Ike Emilio Burner. Unfortunately, he returned with very grave news from the future. In the year 20XX, the CAPCOM fighters had taken over the world. The only way to save the future, was for someone to do something in the past…or something…it’s difficult to remember.
The first match of the evening saw the debut of Referee Scooter Anderson. This was his first debut actually, as it was his first day out of referee academy, which he apparently didn’t learn very much at.
1. ZOMBIE VINNY BUTABI defeated GOTHO THE BI-POLAR CLOWN to win Portland Wrestling Pacific Northwest Heritage Heavyweight Championship Title Match
Gotho the Bipolar Clown is a newcomer to Hoodslam, and his sometimes adventurous personality mixed violent mood swings seemed to be a good match against the original undead disco warrior Zombie Vinny Butabi. Vinny himself, as the only member of the Butabi’s to have won a match since Hoodslam 0: The Prequel, seemed to have deteriorated physically since his last appearance. At one point Gotho seemed to have won the match, but the overly inept Junior Referee Scooter Anderson couldn’t seem to remember how to count to three, or even hit the mat. In the end, Zombie Vinny Butabi added his name to the storied lineage of this legendary title, and became the new champion.
After the match, Zombie Vinny Butabi attacked the first day referee, and pulled his intestines out from his stomach and chewed threw his guts. He then dove over the top rope and left them strewn across a side of the ring for a portion of the rest of the show.
2. JUVENTUD ETERNIA y MANTIZ wrestled to a draw against GLADIATOR EXTREME y NEGRON
This was another example of the lucha libre influence strong in Oakland, and strong at HOODSLAM! The two teams battled back and forth in a war of attrition, but in the end REFEREE STEVEN SEGALL called for the bell, then snapped the necks of all four participants.
At this point LUCHA MAGNIFICO came to the ring for his scheduled match against VILLANO 420. The two have fought for years across the world and now in OAKLAND, once at SUPER HOODSLAM II TURBO: CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION last august, and once on 10/07/2010 at TOURETTES WITHOUT REGRETS at the Oakland Metro in a no ring Falls Count Anywhere match! VILLANO 420 made his entrance, but quickly got on the microphone and said that he was injured at Tourettes without Regrets when LUCHA MAGNIFICO dove off the upper balcony and cross bodied him at the end of the match. He had prepared a replacement though, and the match would happen right now.
3. LUCHA MAGNIFCO wrestled to a draw against SHINOBI
These two masked magicians of the mat mustered a mighty match for mere moments, but it was soon interrupted by RYU of Capcom, and he had some words to say. Namely, that he and the DEA had defeated HOODSLAM at the last show, and due to the stipulation they controlled this HOODSLAM event (thus the name F*ck the Fans ALPHA). Also, since he was in control, this match would now be changed. Lucha Magnifico and Shinobi would now be partners in a tag match, against legendary tag team Rick Scott and Scott Rick, the STONER BROTHERS
4. THE STONER BROTHERS defeated LUCHA MAGNIFICO/SHINOBI
Shinobi started the match with one of the twin brothers, and had a back and forth game of cat and mouse, showing off some wrestling ability. The Stoner Brothers, by the way, never stopped smoking twin blunts during the match, on the apron AND in the ring. Lucha Magnifico entered the ring, and was quickly over powered. After being thrown across the ring, and then into the metal ring post, the match was over.
After the match, PARAMEDIC JESS helped awake the unconscious luchador with minimal success. Shinobi covered him, and REFEREE EL SPARKO made the count in the impromptu match. Then Ryu and the Street Fighters made their way to the stage, and called out the KNIGHTS OF THE ROXBURY. As they entered the ring, RYU explained to them that they would be in a 3 on 3 Tag Team Elimination Match against the CAPCOM warriors RYU, SAGAT, and BALROG! Their partner would be of RYU’s choosing, and he decided on the barely conscious and still staggering to the back LUCHA MAGNIFICO.
5. RYU/BALROG/SAGAT defeated JOHNNY DRINKO BUTABI/ANTHONY BUTABI/LUCHA MAGNIFICO
The Knights of the Roxbury fought like never before, despite fighting incredible odds. Wrestling a virtual handicap match due to Lucha Magnifico not even standing up yet, the two on three numbers eventually caught up to the Hoodslam legends, and ANTHONY BUTABI was eliminated first after being horribly bloodied, and taking a vicious kick from RYU. Soon after, JOHNNY DRINKO BUTABI fell victim to an atom shattering TIGER UPPERCUT from SAGAT, and only Lucha Magnifico was left on the team. Things looked bleak, but Lucha Magnifico was able to make a quick comeback and eliminate SAGAT from the team. He made a valiant effort against BALROG, but with the assistance of CAMMY Ryu was able to dispatch of Lucha Magnifico with little difficulty.
At this time HOODSLAM had its first intermission, which featured a performance by PATRICIA MISERY and MISS PRICK. Its hard to describe what really happened in their set, but it involved blood, knives, removal of clothing, and much more that can’t be mentioned here. We encourage everyone of age to visit the HOODSLAM facebook and view the link, or look it up on youtube.
After intermission, RYU came to the ring and once again expressed his anger at SAGAT being defeated by a HOODSLAM wrestler. He proclaimed that since CAPCOM and DEA were in charge of booking the show, he would make a match now where SAGAT would face anyone from the locker room that HOODSLAM chose as a punishment to Sagat.
6. JUICED LEE defeated SAGAT
HOODSLAM took advantage of this free pass, and chose a definite number one pick with the returning JUICED LEE! The crowd was in excitement, but RYU had never seen JUICED LEE before and was not impressed at first. This soon changed, as shortly after schooling SAGAT in the ways of the dragon, he reached into his skull and removed his remaining eye from his head.
7. JUICED LEE defeated BALROG
RYU said that Juiced Lee had cheated, and would face another opponent. After some hesitation, BALROG entered the ring. His educated hands were no match for JUICED LEE though, and it looked like BALROG would soon be maimed as well. Before JUICED LEE could deliver the final blow, RYU pulled BALROG from the ring. He then said that this contest was over, and Juiced would wrestle someone else. He stepped into the ring, and the crowd began to cheer for this dream match. But as they circled, SHENG LONG, the Sensei of RYU, hopped on the apron and began to speak privately to RYU. After some arguing, RYU said that he would not face Juiced Lee. But someone else would instead.
8. JUICED LEE wrestled to a draw against ZOMBIE VINNY BUTABI
Sheng Long chose wisely, as Juiced Lee’s fear of Zombie’s is no secret. He tried to battle him for a brief time, but soon he ran from the building with the Zombie chasing behind. The match was thrown out. After not being able to catch the ever swift JUICED LEE, the Zombie Vinny Butabi wandered back in and ripped the arm off an attractive fan in the audience! PARAMEDIC JESS helped the injured girl to the back, and we went to another intermission.
THE DISPLAYED LABORS SIDESHOW. Google it, facebook it, youtube it, do whatever you have to do to see it live. Piercings, staple gun, nails in nostrils, screwdriver in nostril, eating glass, he drank from a tube through her mouth and nose. See it yourself. Words will not do it justice.
Shortly after, SENIOR OFFICIAL WINNIE THE POOH came to the ring, and declared he had a problem. He didn’t like some of the actions that REFEREE PINK PANTHER had been taking, and called him out to the ring. Tense words were shared, and soon an all out brawl was in effect. The locker room cleared and separated the two fuzzy referees, but it was clear that the war between these two had finally erupted. Afterwards, Johnny DRINKO Butabi and ANTHONY BUTABI stayed behind, and shared some important news. JOHNNY DRINKO was not the father of someone’s baby, and they had beef with CAPCOM
RYU, SHENG LONG, BALROG, and CAMMY came out from the back, and told the KNIGHTS OF THE ROXBURY that he had heard enough of their garbage, and it was time for the last scheduled match of the evening.
9. OTIS THE GIMP/JOHNNY DRINKO BUTABI wrestled to a draw against ANTHONY BUTABI/RASTA MYSTERIO
This mismatch of teams was intended to be a cruel joke on the two duos. OTIS THE GIMP and RASTA MYSTERIO have been known to team together on many occasions, and the KNIGHTS OF THE ROXBURY are known to always do everything together. Also interesting, JOHNNY DRINKO BUTABI and RASTA MYSTERIO seemed to have a hatred of each other that may have been building since HOODSLAM 0: The Prequel. The two teams squared off in what can only be called a battle for the ages, but not too long into it THE BANANA made his way to the ring and interrupted the match.
THE BANANA assured everyone that it was not peanut butter jelly time, and that HOODSLAM fighting itself was not what was important right now. What was important was teaming up together to take on CAPCOM and THE DEA! As the five of them assembled in the ring, COMMENTATOR KEVIN GILL nailed it on the head when he said it was a dream team. But it was not meant to be, as JOHNNY DRINKO verbally assaulted RASTA MYSTERIO, and said that he “would NEVER…EEEEEEVVVERRRR… team with Rasta”. ANTHONY BUTABI reluctantly followed suit, saying that he wanted to help HOODSLAM, but couldn’t. “YOU STOLE MY BROTHERS MOVE!” was all he could say as he headed to the locker room.
RYU, BALROG, SHENG LONG, and THE DEA then made their entrance, saying they accepted THE BANANA’s offer for a match, but that it would be with another partner, E. HONDA! As the quintuplet team of terror entered the ring, things looked bleak for OTIS THE GIMP, RASTA MYSTERIO, and THE BANANA. But the Banana said he had planned for this, and had two more members. The first, JUICED LEE! And the second, as the Banana put it, was the man who made the call from the future that warned of CAPCOM taking over. He himself was a CAPCOM character, and had switched sides to assist HOODSLAM!
10. RYU/BALROG/SHENG LONG/E. HONDA/ THE DEA were defeated by OTIS THE GIMP/RASTA MYSTERIO/THE BANANA/JUICED LEE/MEGA MAN
This match had the crowd in frenzy the entire time! The entrance of MEGA MAN into HOODSLAM was an event that nobody who saw will ever be able to forget. The audience literally drowned out the music in awe of this blue bomber from the future. This match was elimination rules, and some were pinned, others counted out, but in the end, OTIS THE GIMP and THE DEA were the last two left standing, much like the first HOODSLAM, Victory: HOODSLAM on April 11th. OTIS THE GIMP was able to secure the victory for HOODSLAM, and the fans cheered on as some drunk guy got beat up to the theme from Terminator.
Thank you again to all the fans, the wrestlers, Patricia Misery, Miss Prick, Displayed Labors Sideshow, Einstye, Victory Warehouse, and everyone else who helped make this the best HOODSLAM yet! The next show is DECEMBER 12TH, 2010 at the VICTORY WAREHOUSE. Not everything has been confirmed, but the following rumors have been going around…
For the right to be SENIOR OFFICIAL of HOODSLAM
WINNIE THE POOH v. PINK PANTHER
The DEA and OTIS the GIMP have decided to settle it once and for all, but the stipulations to the match have not yet been set….
The return of HOODSLAM fan favorite SILENT ASSASIN JEAN-PIERRE
And the biggest rumor of all, the fact that the champion of Street Fighter has not yet been determined for 2010, and a new winner must be crowned…more news to come when available.
23rd and San Pablo Avenue
6:00 PM, 420 friendly, byobeer
myspace.com/oaklandhoodslam, @hoodslam twitter, firstname.lastname@example.org for any questions, comments, or hate mail
Their was something else at Hoodslam that wasn’t supposed to be talked about it, but can’t be avoided…
At 10/10/10 Hoodslam saw the debut of Sal Lundy. He came quietly, but when he left the Victory Warehouse was full of fans ready to start a riot.
He came calmly, with his son Grand Master G, and the two said some words to the crowd. The boos were deafening. He then loosened up, and got down to business.
SAL LUNDY W/ GRAND MASTER G defeated MS CHIEVOUS
The crowd was happy to see a woman step up to the sexist words of SAL LUNDY and GRAND MASTER G, who had proclaimed that they were both a part of NO MA’AM. Their happiness was short lived, however, as Lundy quickly took over the match and never lost it. After many punishing minutes, SAL LUNDY pinned MsChievous. After the match, the crowd showed its anger. It seemed like the positive energy of the Victory Warehouse was turning incredibly hostile. Fans began to throw garbage at LUNDY and GRAND MASTER G, and a rainstorm of beer cans and plastic bottles showered upon the ring. Extra help had to be pulled from the locker room to keep the angry crowd away from the duo of NO MA’AM as they made their exit.
Worse yet, SAL LUNDY will be back at HOODSLAM 12/12/10…against who is unknown, but one can only hope that history will not repeat itself.