If you were at our last event, you heard that starting on Friday, February 6, Hoodslam will be raising the price of admission from $10 to $20. (BUT, at the bottom of this declaration contains info on how to get in for $5 off in February!)
Now, we know you might not love that. Hear us out: (“read us out”, whatever, fuck)
1.) We believe in our hearts this show is unparalleled. Oprah charges 1000 bucks a ticket (ask Revolva). Most places have 20 dollar cover, and they DONT EVEN FUCK YOU BEAUTIFUL FANS. Rude.
Secondably) – We’re growing. We have a more eyes on us than ever. Take a look at the past 18 months: East Bay Express, Wine and Bowties, Larry King Now, San Francisco Chronicle, San Jose Mercury News, The Steve Austin Show, SF Weekly, Vice.com, the LA Times…We did an opera, for fuck’s sake! Some jokers made a movie about us (available on amazon.com right now btw- we want our check Nelson)!
Thats amazing. But it means we’ve gotta step our game up before some other Johnny-Come-Cosplay-Lately indy show with fabulous moolah steals our shizz! You know they’re out there…just lurking like sharks in the water…
C) The majority of the money we’ll make once this change goes into effect will be going right back into the show. You’re gonna notice some major changes in Hoodslam’s presentation, production, and more. In short, we’re gonna use this extra income to fuck the fans in ways we barely dare to dream. Hopefully we can give you a preview of that January 2nd at “Winter is Squirting”, and get any unforseen bullshit handled so we can hit the ground fucking February 6th.
Fourthwise) – Friday, February 6 is 20 dollars at the door to see Hoodslam: Femmed Out – Drag Me to Hell. A show all about the beautiful feminine types in our world. We love the ones that go the extra mile to get dolled up.
In fact, we love them so dearly, that at our first 20 dollar event YOU CAN GET $5 DOLLARS OFF AT THE DOOR FOR COMING “FEMMED OUT”. Whats that mean? It ain’t ladies night. We don’t care what your ID says under gender. We don’t care how you indentify. If you want a discount, you gotta be femmed out. You know what we mean damnit.
Cisgender males, if you come in drag, (not a friggen kilt over jeans and a shitty wig) you will get the discount…so, IF you can appease the to-be-named judges who will be at the front door of the Oakland Metro on the night of Friday, February 6, you’ll pay the ladies’ price.
Lastable) – So, there you have it. Admission goes from $10 to $20 come Friday, February 6 for Hoodslam: Femmed Out – Drag Me to Hell. If you think $20 is unfair, unjust, or too much, we here at Hoodslam are very much ok with you never coming to another show again. If this is where you and the accidental phenomenon part ways, so be it. Best of luck in your future endeavors. (We’ll miss you, but we’ll put on a tough face at parties and stuff.)
But if you like how you’ve been fucked over the last five years, just you wait: MARK THESE WORDS, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.