Hoodslam “Love the Game II: Smokarina of Time” (June 20, 2014) Results

Hoodslam “Love the Game II: Smokarina of Time”
Friday, June 20, 2014
Oakland, Calif. at the Oakland Metro Opera House
Paid Attendance: 320

This was a special Friday show, as Hoodslam usually runs the first Friday of the month.

On this night, the Hoodslam Band was known as Face Invaders. Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody (WWE Tough Enough’s A.J. Kirsch).

(1) “The God of War” Kratos beat James C. with the Wrath of Kratos (sit-out powerbomb chokeslam).

(2) The Super Stoner Bros. (Super Stoner Mario & Super Stoner Luigi) & Toad (w/Princess Peach-kush and Bobby Burgerblock) beat Smackdown (Here Comes the Pain’s create-a-wrestler Virgil Flynn IV & Assassin’s Creed’s Altair & WARIO) when the Super Stoner Bros. hit the Rizz Bomb on Altair.

(3) The Legend of Zelda’s Link beat Castlevania’s Simon Belmont with the Rupee Cutter.

(4) Ryu beat Ken and Akuma when Akuma used the Dark Hadou to force Ryu to hit Ken with a Shinku Hadoken in a Street Fighter II triple threat match. Following the match, Akuma told Ryu “You owe me.”

(5) Super Mutant Red Rhino 2099 Arcade Challenge: Super Mutant Red Rhino 2099 (w/Doc Atrocity) beat Bat Mantual with a seated super punch.

(6) Video game gauntlet match (pinfall or submission): P.O.N.G. (Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer) beat Darkstalker’s Anakaris, Mortal Kombat’s Jax, Paperboy’s paperboy, Mortal Kombat’s Jax, Carl “C.J.” “Johnson from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” (ECW original Mustafa), and Altered Beast’s Cheetah Man when P.O.N.G. hit the buzzsaw kick through the Mario Kart spiked turtle shell on Cheetah Man.

(7) Best Athlete in the East Bay Award: F.O.N.G. (F’n Obese Nerdy Gamer w/P.O.N.G.) beat Mega Man with the fat splash on top of the Mario Kart spiked turtle shell to retain.

(8) Mortal Kombat main event: Scorpion (w/Princess Kitana) beat Sub-Zero (w/Queen Sindel) with the Burning Driver, even after suffering from a Friendship, Babality, and a heart-wrench fatality.

Fuck You Bro, and Fuck the Fans!

Dear Hoodslam fans,

Fuck you, bro. Seriously. You wanna hate on ME? For what? My taste in awesome music (LONG LIVE Nickelback)? My taste in AXE scents? The fact that I have to fight the pussy off with a stick night after night? The fact that I banged some big-tittied stripper bitch on a nationally-televised reality TV show? You hella jella.

I dare you to hate on me in person. I. Fucking. Dare you.

Bring the hate to the Oakland Metro Operahouse on Friday, October 3 for Hoodslam’s biggest show of the fall, Fuck the Fans V. I am going to crush-fuck every last one of you into oblivion. And it will be #BROeticJustice.

Fuck the fans. Fuck your day. And fuck you, too. BRO!!!

Your BROliness,

– BJB

Broseph gets this reaction everywhere he goes.

Admit it, you hate his success. (This is not porn.)

El Flaco Loco VS Doc Atrocity for the control of Hoodslam

Doc Atrocity is high on a steroid concoction of power ever since defeating El Flaco Loco and taking control of Hoodslam. His plan is to annihilate the multiverse- starting with destroying Oakland!

Back in February an election was held to determine the Mayor of Hoodslam between El Flaco Loco, Doc Atrocity and our sometimes announcer. El Flaco Loco, Norcal wrestling legend and part time Hoodslam commentator delivered an impassioned speech that whipped the hundreds in attendance into a frenzy, and was shortly after named the official winner of the Mayor of Hoodslam election! This would not last long as they would challenge again for in a “Loser Leaves Hoodslam for 90 days” match at Entertania, with Doc Atrocity winning after pouring zombie sauce into the eyes of El Flaco Loco.

With no one to stop him, Doc Atrocity would crave more power- by declaring himself also in control of Oakland, San Francisco and the rest of the world. Broseph Brody was finally disgusted by his actions when Doc interrupted his birthday party and beat him in a match to continue the celebration.

Upset by his loss, Doc Atrocity tried to exact revenge last month by interrupting the show and assaulting Broseph along with his sideshow freaks, beating him into a pile of glitter. In a surprising return, El Flaco Loco entered for the save and cleared the ring of the sideshow freaks- claiming that he is the original Mayor of Hoodslam! Now they will meet again Oct 3rd at BROetic Justice to settle who is the one true Mayor! FTF!

Hoodslam presents Fuck the Fans V: BROetic Justice • Friday, October 3 • Oakland Metro Operahouse (630 Third Street in Oakland, CA) • 8:30pm • $10 at the door • 21 and over • Full bar • Live music from The Hoodslam Band • DON’T BRING YOUR FUCKING KIDS!

Cheap Popcast goes Hoodslam

Check out the latest episode of the Cheap Popcast as they declare Hoodslam to be a true indi promotion and the equal of  any other wrestling promotion in the world!

Download the episode here! Hoodslam praise starts @ 1:20.

 

Find out what all of social media is talking about on Oct. 3rd, for FTF V: BROetic Justice

October 3rd, 2014 doors 8:30, show 9pm
630 3rd Street, Oakland Metro Operahouse
$10 cover, 21&up, dontbringyourfnkids

BROetic Justice October 3rd!

Fresh off a vaginal safari tour of VH1’s Dating Naked, Broseph Brody is planning on fucking the fans Oct. 3rd for his show- BROetic Justice! A few weeks ago, he won the Battle Royal for Supremacy and gets to run Hoodslam for the night high atop his throne on Mt Brolympus! So far Broseph has booked the following matches-

  • Shelly Martinez VS Brittany Wonder in a falls count anywhere match!

  • El Flaco Loco VS Doc Atrocity to determine the Mayor of Hoodslam!

Last weeks show was 3 hours long, so more matches to be announced. We’ve been fucking the fans for 5 years now, so be sure to show up at the Oakland Metro Oct. 3rd for Fuck the Fans V: BROetic Justice!

October 3rd, 2014 doors 8:30, show 9pm
630 3rd Street, Oakland Metro Operahouse
$10 cover, 21&up, dontbringyourfnkids

Still Your Golden Gig Champion!

Holy $#@!, is Juiced Lee the most dominant champion to ever step into a Hoodslam arena? He must be, because he just defended the his title again against fan favorite Pooh Jack last Friday to retain the Golden Gig Championship! Pooh Jack is one of hoodslam’s toughest competitors who brings every weapon he can fit into a trashcan- kendo sticks, crutches, and assorted computer parts to smash his opponents whenever he appears in the ring. But last Friday Pooh Jack fought on an even playing field and ended up with his head bashed into a trashcan while Juiced Lee stomped onto him from the top-rope!

While Juice Lee has been known to rip the internal organs out of his opponents, he has the honor of the Golden Gig championship to uphold; so he joined the fans in showing respect for Pooh Jacks’ effort. Pooh Jack is just the latest wrestler to fall before Juiced Lee’s martial prowess; Dark Sheik, Drugz Bunny and Bat Manuel have all felt his rage. How many bodies must fall before he wins the respect of the Hoodslam fans? Since he is a fighting champion he will probably return Oct. 3rd for BROetic Justice!

Hoodslam: FTF V – BROetic Justice

October 3rd, 2014 doors 8:30, show 9pm
630 3rd Street, Oakland Metro Operahouse
$10 cover, 21&up, dontbringyourfnkids

SHOW RESULTS – 9/5 Hoodslam in Oakland, Calif.: THE Brian Kendrick, Shelly Martinez part of this month's show

PWTorch Hoodslam Results
September 5, 2014
Oakland, Calif. at the Oakland Metro Opera House
Paid Attendance: 914

On this night, the Hoodslam Band was known as Johnny Cockring. Hoodslam’s original ring announcer, Emilio “Ike” Burner returned. Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody (WWE Tough Enough’s A.J. Kirsch, VH1’s Dating Naked), El Flaco Loco, and Coach Joey Nuggs.

(1) Top of the Skydreamer’s Miracle eXstacy cup semifinal match: “The Mexican Werewolf” El Chupacabra beat “The Hero of HIGHrule” Link with the Spanish Fly off the top rope.

(2) Battle Royal to set up a number one contender’s match for the Best Athlete in the East Bay Award: Cereal Man & Scorpion beat Manimal, Ken, P.O.N.G. (Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer), “The Russian Lover” Zangief, and “The Super Barrio Brother” Jesus Cruz. Cereal Man and Scorpion will face each other at “FTFV: BROetic Justice” to determine the number one contender for the Best Athlete in the East Bay Award, currently held by F.O.N.G. (F’n Obese Nerdy Gamer).

(3) Shelly Martinez beat “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder with a choking STO, which followed Shelly spitting period blood in Brittany’s face after the referee was inadvertently struck. As a result of the questionable tactics used by Shelly Martinez to gain the victory, “Broseph” Joe Brody announced their third and tie-breaking match for Friday, October 3 at “FTFV: BROetic Justice.” Shelly accepted, on the condition that it will be a Falls Count Anywhere match.

Doc Atrocity and the U.S.A. (United Sideshows and Atrocities) challenged “Broseph” Joe Brody to a match. He accepted, but before the match could begin, the former mayor of Hoodslam, El Flaco Loco, returned to Hoodslam and cleared the ring of Doc Atrocity and the U.S.A. “Broseph” immediately made a match for Friday, October 3 at “FTFV: BROetic Justice” – Doc Atrocity vs. El Flacco Loco, the winner to receive the office of mayor of Hoodslam.

(4) Top of the Skydreamer’s Miracle eXstacy cup semifinal match: Jonathan Butabi beat THE Brian Kendrick with the Roxbury Bottom. As a result, the finals of the Top of the Skydreamer’s Miracle eXstacy Cup Tournament, and the main event to come later that night, is “The Mexican Werewolf” El Chupacabra vs. Jonathan Butabi.

(5) Smoklahoma Iron Lung Challenge: The Stoner Brothers (Rick Scott & Scott Rick w/Coach Joey Nuggs and Waterboy Bobby Burgerhands) beat The WBs (Jesus “Chewie” Martinez & Benito Martinez) after hitting a Rizz Bomb on Benito.

(6) Golden Gig Championship: Juiced Lee beat Pooh Jack after a brainbuster on a pile of weapons to retain.

(7) Top of the Skydreamer’s Miracle eXstacy Cup exhibition six-man tag team match: Drugz Bunny & Virgil Flynn III & Anthony Butabi beat DARK Sheik & James C. & Ryu when Drugz Bunny hit a Cokeslam on Ryu. The competitors remained at ringside to witness the final match in the tournament.

(8) Top of the Skydreamer’s Miracle eXstacy Cup Finals: “The Mexican Werewolf” El Chupacabra beat Jonathan Butabi with an O’Conner Roll to win the Top of the Skydreamer’s Miracle eXstacy Cup Tournament trophy.

[ FYI: To see this show and previous shows in their entirety, click HERE. Hoodslam runs at the Oakland Metro Opera House every first Friday of the month and will return on Friday, October 3 for their biggest show of the fall, “BROetic Justice.” Hoodslam is a 21+ event. Follow Hoodslam on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, all @Hoodslam.

Vampire Shelly Martinez Returns for Hoodslam Oct 3

Last Friday at Fanarchy Rules, Vampire Shelly Martinez and Ultragirl Brittany Wonder battled for the second time ever in single competition. What started out as friendly competition between two of the best female wrestlers on the West Coast has turned into a dark rivalry. Shelly and Brittany’s hatred for one another was evident as their match would spill out of the ring and onto the Oakland Metro bar counter. Finally, Shelly could take no more of Brittany’s barroom brawling, and Shelly sprayed some questionable body fluids right into the eyes of Ultragirl and pinned her with a choking STO!

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Hoodslam commentator Broseph Brody was infuriated with Shelly- claiming she stole a win, and demanded she return next month to fight Brittany again. As the winner of last month’s Battle Royal for Supremacy, Broseph wins the right to rule next month’s Hoodslam- BROetic Justice! Now Shelly Martinez and Brittany Wonder must fight again Oct. 3rd in a tie breaking final match – Falls Count Anywhere!

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October 3rd, 2014 doors 8:30, show 9pm
630 3rd Street, Oakland Metro Operahouse
$10 cover, 21&up, dontbringyourfnkids

The Top of the Skydreamer Miracle eXstacy Cup has a new champion!

What the hell happened last night? It was complete Fanarchy, rioting and chaos. The Oakland Metro was a packed sweaty mess for the proving ground that is Hoodslam! We saw the return of announcer Ike Burner and wrestler BatManuel, and the satanic Courtney Crimson! We crowned a winner for the Skydreamer Miracle eXstacy Cup! We had an Iron Lung Match! We have even new contenders for the Best Athlete in the East Bay!

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The Skydreamer Miracle eXstacy Cup has a new champion! El Chupacabra will be tripping balls for months with the amount of eXstacy that he won in several hard fought battles. First he defeated the hero of Highrule, Link in a match that utilized the Highlander sword and a treasure chest full of bombs. But nothing short of the supernatural could stop El Chupacabra from throwing Link off the top rope to advance in the tournament.

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Johnathon Butabi was also out to show the world that sober living and DDP Yoga will help you party all night! Even though The Brian Kendrick was a psychotic crazy man and should probably be placed in Arkham Asylam after the assault on Butabi last night. Somehow, after every effort in a brutal match, Butabi was able to defeat The Brian Kendrick with a Roxbury Bomb into a pile of glitter!

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Butabi would go on to face El Chupacabra in the finals in a match that was treacherous, breathtaking and bloody! El Chupacabra had his new baby mama- Courtney Crimson escorting him to the ring. We leave our F’n kids at home for hoodslam, even if they are demonspawn terror babies! Neither a broken nose or the Butabi brothers devious tactics would stop the “Mexican Werewolf” El Chupacabra from his goal of staying high on eXstacy as he crushed Butabi into the mat with an Adios front flip piledriver; and won the respect of everyone in the Oakland Metro!

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GOLDEN GIG GLORY GOES GRANDLY GIGGITY

Juiced Lee, the only man to hold the Golden Gig solo since 2012. The man who was able to singlify (new word, i dont care) what was once a team championship has defended against all comers since winning the main event of Entertania in April. Three way dances, Fatal Four Ways, 2 on 1 clone wars…nothing has stopped the volcanic rise of Juice Lee.

Fate has shined upon our martial arts wielding fatality inducing back the fuck flipping paragon of mountain topness, he too is subject to the fans will! Who shall they choose to challenge the man without relent? Pooh Jack? Sugar Dunkington? El Sparko? Go over to our events page and vote for the opponent that will get a chance at the richest prize in sports entertainment- The Golden Gig!

FTF

September 5th, 2014 doors 8:30, show 9pm
630 3rd Street, Oakland Metro Operahouse
$10 cover, 21&up, dontbringyourfnkids
birdswillfall.com – social media, we’re @Hoodslam

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