There was more to it, but thats the jizzt. You can read for yourself by clicking here! We’re not fighting to change the world. We just dont give a fuck. But know that you are welcome in our homes, unless youre like a white supremacist homophobe or part of daesh. Then you can save your $20 bucks, we dont want it.
One of the more twisted tales we’ve been told to tell, so goes the story of what may be the end of The CAUTION (CAUTION).
Ean Hancement, Anton Voorhees and DARK Sheik were 3/3rds of the most arm breaking group in Hoodslam history. Batmanuel, El Sparko, Juiced Lee, Charlie Chaplin: all had to take a broken wing and learn to fly again. Ean and Sheik held a firm grip on The Best Athlete in the Eastbay Golden Fannypacks. Anton had his sights on the Golden Gig.
But as swiftly as the tides rises, it breaks and pulls back; DARK Sheik was revealed to be a broken robot, built to resemble the original Sheik who’d been lost in the dimensional portal accidentally created by Doc Atrocity 4 years ago. Johnny Drinko and Anton Voorhees battled over the Gig so often, they both focused on each other and neither could dethrone the Champions, Drugz Bunny or subsequently PONG. The Best Athlete Award was lost, and the finish line to the Golden Gig rapidly diminished in the horizon…
Anton, coming to terms with his partners robotic shortcomings, agreed to a deal with Doc Atrocity: he would hand deliver the Best Athlete Fannypacks, and the Dr would fix the inoperative DARK Sheik to function once more. Anton would win the Fannypacks, but before they could be delivered, they were stolen by Johnny Drinko. With no physical title, Doc decreed the deal incomplete.
Im a fit of madness, Anton hurled himself through Doc Atrocity’s dimensional portal, in an insane attempt to find the original organic DARK Sheik that had been lost to the multiverse 4 years ago. Doc could retrieve him, he told Ean, but he still wants those Fannypacks.
Johnny Drinko delighted in the mental collapse of his enemy Anton. He relished in the breakdown of the robotic DARK Sheik. Without wrestling a match, he had won the silent war with The CAUTION. Except one last thread…or third.
Ean Hancement finds himself in a pickle; he must attain Fannypacks to either fix his robotic mentor or return his human friend- Doc Atrocity will only do one favor. But first he must get Drinko to return the Golden Fannypacks – technically still belonging to absent-from-this-dimension Anton Voorhees. Johnny Drinko made another deal: he’ll return the Fannypacks to Ean so he can make his choice IF Ean beats Drinko at Entertania VII.
But if Drinko wins, Ean must leave Hoodslam, and The CAUTION will be erased forever…gone with the tide.
Thats 15 total! The last 5 will be revealed live in the ring, when it happens! Many familiar faces, a couple fresh one too! What a neat world we live in. But who will win the living embodiment of manifest destiny, the CM PUNK Memorial Trophy?
Did you miss the piece NatGeo ran about Kayfabe, directed by Barry Blaustein (“Beyond the Mat”), and featuring the accidental phenomenon, Hoodslam? EXPLORER season 10 episode 5, the last ten minutes? (The centerpiece on rhino horn black market trade was fascinating too!)
Fear not, we have the whole segment on our facebook page. Check it out here!
Also featuring Bubba Ray Dudley, Jim Cornette, Matt Striker, Tommy Dreamer, and hosted by Dan freakin’ Rather!
#Kayfabe #Hoodslam
Your main event at Hoodslam: EnterTania VII this Friday at the Oakland Metro Operahouse: Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer (P.O.N.G.) defends the Golden Gig vs. Cereal Man in a Japanese Console-War Deathmatch!
After winning a tag match last month with the returning Bat Manuel, Cereal Man was awarded the honor of headlining Entertania VII against the Golden Gig Champion P.O.N.G.! P.O.N.G., who lost that match with his partner in Team GAME OVER Fucking Obese Nerdy Gamer (F.O.N.G.), had one decree: that this match be a Japanese Console-War Deathmatch.
Cereal Man and PONG have a storied history, but never have the stakes been so high; The Golden Gig is the ULTIMATE prize in Hoodslam. Cereal Man has momentum on his side, but the Japanese Console-War Deathmatch is P.O.N.G.’S MATCH. No one is any better as using these instruments of entertainment as instruments of destruction than PONG. In a Japanese Console-War Deathmatch, PONG is at home.
Online presale tickets are sold out. Limited tickets will be available at the Oakland Metro door on a first come, first served basis.
#Hoodslam
The CM Punk Memorial Lethal Lottery Tag Team Tournament Battlebowl Championship takes place friday! Its an annual tradition we hold near and dear to our icey cold hearts! Every year a different person of significance is chosen to be memorialized, generally after a somewhat disasterous life decision (don’t worry, they always bounce back: Jeff Hardy, Brock Lesnar, Dixie Cart …errrr… not always).
These first 5 of 20 entrants have signed on for a devious affair; all 20 entrants will be drawn randomly and forced into make shift tag teams. The 10 who can forge a bond of victory with their surprise partner will move on to the Battlebowl Championship Over the Top Rope Battle Royal, where there ARE NO TEAMS. The sole survivor will win the CM Punk Memorial Trophy.
And, of course, the trophy can be cashed in at anytime, for any match, with any Hoodslammer. Nobody can resist the trophys allure …because of the implication. One could use it for revenge – (or pleasure, depending on perspective), or Championship glory. As in most life situations, its better to be caught with it than without it.
Hoodslam & ArnoCorps: Get Your Ass to March III – Bigger, Badder, Ballsier
Friday, March 3, 2017
Oakland Metro Opera House
Oakland, CA
Paid attendance: sold out
Tonight’s musical guest was the greatest band of all time, ArnoCorps.
Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody.
ArnoCorps set 1: Total Recall, Terminator, You Lack Discipline.
1. Brittany Wonder def. Pizza Cat.
Doc Atrocity entered the ring followed by Zombie Gorilla Vinnie Butabi (with two-headed baby Hoodslam) and his old clown henchmen Giggity and Botchy. The Aliens Drucilla, Troof and Conundrum officially thanked and awarded Doc Atrocity for saving the universe from The Walking Phoenix in January. Their mission completed, the Aliens returned to space.
The CAUTION (Caution!) “The LINK to the Future” Anton Voorhees and “The Talent” Ean Hancement interrupt Doc Atrocity to finish their deal: they hand over the title of Best Athlete in the Eastbay to Brittany Wonder, and he would return a repaired DARK Sheik robot to them. However, the physical Golden Fannypacks were stolen by Johnny Drinko Butabi, and Doc Atrocity did not see this as fulfillment.
Anton calls out Drinko, but instead gets the team of James C. and the returning JUICED Lee – looking for revenge after all 3/3rds of The CAUTION (Caution!) broke JUICED Lee’s arm in October. Fucking finally, we have a match…
2. James C. & JUICED Lee def. The CAUTION (“The Talent” Ean Hancement and “The LINK to the Future” Anton Voorhees).
3. Ken Masters def. Virgil Flynn III.
ArnoCorps set 2: Commando, Real American, I’m Ballsy, Mr. Freeze
4. Triple threat match: Johnny “Drinko” Butabi def. Ryu and Mr. Freeze.
Following the match, Doc Atrocity demanded that Drinko give him the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks that Drinko stole from Anton Voorhees, lest he send Drinko into an alternate dimension by way of a portal he built – as he did The Walking Phoenix. The CAUTION (Caution!) comes out and Anton Voorhess willingly voyages into the portal, in a mad attempt to find the actual DARK Sheik, who was lost through the same portal 4 years ago.
“The Talent” Ean Hancement was granted an opportunity to win the Fannypacks back from Johnny “Drinko” Butabi at EnterTania, but if he loses he is banished from Hoodslam. If he wins, Doc Atrocity has said he will only return 1 favor: pulling Anton back, or returning a repaired DARK Sheik robot.
5. Intergalactic Tag Team Championship: The Stoner Brothers (Rick-Scott Stoner and Scott-Rick Stoner, champions) def. the “Last Action Hero” villains (Benedict and The Ripper) to retain.
6. Tag team match: The New U (“Brutal” Rob Hands and Coach Joey Nuggs) def. Red Sonja and Conan the Barbarian.
ArnoCorps set 3: Predator, Eraser, Exactly, Pumping Iron.
7. Tag team match: Cereal Man and “The Dark Noche” Bat Manuel def. Team GAME OVER (Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer “P.O.N.G.” and Fucking Obese Nerdy Gamer “F.O.N.G.”
With this victory, Cereal Man earned the right to face P.O.N.G. for the Golden Gig in the main event of EnterTania. P.O.N.G. then made the match a match that P.O.N.G. has never lost – a Japanese Console War Death Match.
ArnoCorps came out for an encore performance with Last Action Hero.
Got pics or vids from the show? Post them with #hoodslam
You can watch a live stream of every first Friday show, and get every Hoodslam ever recorded on-demand, by subscribing to the Hoodslam YouTube channel for $1.99/month (includes free two week trial). Search “Hoodslammery” on YouTube.
Hoodslam runs at the Oakland Metro Opera House every first Friday of the month and will return on Friday, April 7 for Hoodslam’s biggest show of the year, EnterTania VII. Tickets available now: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hoodslam-presents-entertania-vii-tickets-32547866545
Follow Hoodslam on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube, all @hoodslam.
Hoodslam is a 21+ event. DON’T BRING YOUR FUCKING KIDS!
www.BirdsWillFall.com
If you already do, youd know this match had been up for about a week! We sneaky like that.
After all the dudes wrestled in their skirts, wigs, glitter and lace, we let the girls take it home in the main event of our 2nd night of Femmed Out. A female celebration could only end with an all gal finale!
We have footage of the annual return of the Smoking Hot Boobs! This year with a twist; since they fought the guardians of a galaxy, they took on the likeness of a familiar fighter/actor. Drax the Destroyer, Dave Bautista, whoever; they got nothing on BOOBTISTA