April 6th, 2012
630 3rd Street, Oakland, CA
The Two year Anniversary
I STILL know what you did last HOODSLAM
The air was thick with anticipation this eve, as two years of Hoodslam all culminated into one night. So much was on the line, the repercussions of this event sure to be felt throughout the Hoodslam world. Ike Emelio Burner was there to emcee the event, and quit a job he did! Along with Kevin Gill and AJ Kirsch doing commentary, and music by “The Three Splooges”, Hoodslam was in full effect, and the show went a little something like this…
As is tradition, our 2nd anniversary was centered around the Lethal Lottery Battebowl Tournament. 20 beings would enter into a tournament. Teams of two were randomly drawn, creating five tag team matches. The five teams that win will be entered into a ten man over the top rope battle royal where only one can be victorious. (S)He that wins this event will be awarded the 2012 Brock Lesnar Memorial Battlebowl Championship Trophy, and one time prize of having any type of match, with any Hoodslammer, at any Hoodslam event. With so much on the line, things got hectic FAST.
BROCK LESNAR MEMORIAL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT BATTLEBOWL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH 1 –
Scott Rick Stoner and Anthony Butabi defeated Rick Scott Stoner and Johnny Drinko Butabi
Scott Rick and Rick Scott had agreed to a match the month before, but neither wanted to relinquish their spot in the tournament. An agreement was made, and the two would oppose each other with random partners, so as to keep in spirit of the event. This led to many wild possibilities, but none expected that another pair of dueling brothers would be added to the fray. The Butabi’s, aka The Knights of the Roxbury, have once again found themselves at odds, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity for some group family counseling. StonerBunny was alongside her man Rick Scott Stoner, and she was surely a source of motivation for Rick Scott to defeat his brother, especially after the harsh words and physical beating he bestowed upon her at the last event. After much mayhem, however, nothing was settled. When Scott Rick found an opportune time, he took advantage of his twinship, and confused the referee into thinking he was his brother, allowing Anthony Butabi to pin him and qualify both insidious siblings into the Battle Royal later in the show.
BROCK LESNAR MEMORIAL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT BATTLEBOWL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH 2 –
Otis the Gimp and Sinn Bohdi defeated Sexy Chino and Hornswaggar
This match was a treat to the Oakland audience, for oh so many reasons. Otis the Gimp is always a huge favorite, one of the true Hoodslam Icons. His partner, Sinn Bohdi, has been referred to as the Warlord of the Weird, and is known the world over from his stint in WWE, as well as from the ever popular Freak Show Wrestling. Sexy Chino, despite being incredibly frail, has gained a following himself, and the Oakland crowd for some reason or another enjoys seeing him dance the night away. And of course, his partner Hornswaggar never disappoints the audience, laying into both of his opponents with the mad fire rap lyrics. And double of course, Hornswaggar always brings with him Butternuts, the stuffed pony and idols to millions. All five personalities, even the inanimate horse, were part of the fierce action. Devastating maneuvers and intense physicality dominated this athletic spectacle, but the end came not through skill, but friendship and betrayal. Otis the Gimp found himself alone with Butternuts in a rather opportune position. It seemed as if the sexual deviant were to have his way with the pure and noble steed, but Hornswaggar couldn’t bear to witness. He instead attacked his own partner Sexy Chino, and threw him in harms way as a trade, allowing him to save and escape with his horsey comrade. Despite great heart, it didn’t take long for a lone Chino to find himself the victim of horrendous crotch pains and a broken cinder block. Sinn Bohdi and Otis the Gimp were victorious, and advanced to the Battle Royal. Feeling guilt and remorse, Hornswaggar returned to the ring to help Chino back to his feet, and cheered along with the crowd as Chino attempted to dance his problems away.
ULTIMATE DEATHMATCH
Juiced Lee v. Zombie Gorilla Vinny Butabi
This match was not a part of the tournament, but that made it no less important. In fact, the history of this feud goes back two years to the first Hoodslam in 2010, “Victory: Hoodslam”. It was there that Juiced Lee first removed the heart of the adopted Butabi brother, leaving his lifeless corpse the perfect plaything for Reverend Helfyre to reanimate. Since then, Juiced Lee ripped the heart out of Helfyre as well, effectively ending any reanimation that could occur in Hoodslam. The two never reconciled, but took separate paths, no longer finding themselves in the struggle that encompassed so much of the fire 16 months of Hoodslam. But destiny demanded that their paths one final time. Well, maybe not destiny, but Hoodslam…
Zombie Vinny had gotten out of control. Before he was a heartless beast that fed on the flesh of the living, and we were ok with that. But ever since Doc Atrocity got a hold of him, and it was revealed that he was the father of Mathea II’s child, things have gone awry. The Zombie attempted to be a good father to his child, perhaps even a role model, and this resulted in him being infected with an alien disease. To save him, Doc Atrocity had his brain transplanted into the body of a gorilla. The gorilla hasn’t been seen since. But the deranged doctor began to drag around a rotting corpse with the brain of a gorilla around with him, trying to please the angered Mathea II, who now found her family to be fatherless. This led to Doc Atrocity attempting many different means to “fix” Vinny, including taking blood from unwilling Hoodslam crew. This would be the last straw, and a plan was formed. The first, proposed by the DARK Sheik, was to have Vinny murdered. The second, was to have an intervention with Doc Atrocity, and have him put down the undead wrestler himself. When Doc Atrocity was unwilling, and the DARK Sheik’s attempts unsuccessful, a professional was brought in. The man that killed Vinny the first time would have to finish what he started two years later. And either JUICED Lee finished the job, or he didn’t come back from the ring. Such were the makings of the first Hoodslam Ultimate Deathmatch.
JUICED Lee came at him as everyone expected: full force and with reckless abandon. He danced upon the skies and flipped effortlessly through the heavens, as he has so many times before. Zombie Gorilla Vinny Butabi knew he was in a fight, and came back with crushing gorilla strength blows and violent mayhem. The end came when a table was once more attempted to be set on fire at Hoodslam, Doc Atrocity and Nurse Uncle Jesse setting the flame while Vinny prepared Juiced to go crashing through the flames. But before their plan could come to fruition, JUICED Lee fought back, and was able to brainbuster the dead through a somewhat burning table, and ended the existence of Zombie Vinny in Hoodslam forever.
After the match, a distraught Mathea II and Doc Atrocity carried the limp being that was Vinny from the ring, leaving Juiced Lee only briefly alone with his thoughts. DARK Sheik came with microphone and policeman, saying that this was no accident, nor fate, but his own plan. He wanted JUICED Lee out of the Tournament, and was the one who recommended JUICED Lee finish off Vinny. But it went deeper, as he now had an officer in tow, ready to arrest JUICED Lee for the murder of Vincent Butabi. His choices were simple, to refuse and find himself constantly on the run, or to face his day in court, hope to be found innocent, and maybe once more perform at Hoodslam. A reluctant JUICED Lee found himself another victim of the system, and was cuffed and escorted from the building.
BROCK LESNAR MEMORIAL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT BATTLEBOWL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH 3 –
James and “Wondergirl” Ms Bratt defeated Stoney Montana and Jesus Kruz
This match not only saw the return of Ms Bratt to Hoodslam, but also the debut of Nor Cal Wrestling Legend JESUS KRUZ! It also marked the first appearance of members of the James Gang being on opposing teams. James and Stoney Montana, regular partners, found themselves in a strange situation, and opted to not fight for much of the match. But after tussles with their own partners, they found themselves both tagged in and unable to avoid confrontation. James ordered Stoney Montana to lay down and be pinned, but Stoney refused, shoving the crime boss on his ass, much to the delight of the crowd. James begged off, offering his hand in friendship. After great contemplation, Stoney shook his hand, then immediately submitted to the crushing gesture, fooling his partner and effectively fucking the fans.
FIGHTING RIGHTS VS. STRIPES
Pooh Jack v. Pink Panther
If Pooh Jack wins he regains Official Senior Official status in Hoodslam. If Pink Panther wins, Pooh Jack must leave Hoodslam forever.
Another non tournament match, but once more of the utmost importance. Winnie the Pooh was once the Official Senior Official in Hoodslam – the bottom line on all things official. A referee status to be admired and appreciated from great distances. But when Pink Panther came to Hoodslam, he had aims to be the top dog, and change the chaos and lawlessness that had run rampant throughout Oakland. It didn’t take long for him to snake his way into the position, and his first official act was to fire Winnie the Pooh from all referee duties.
The bear had lived by the law his whole life, but now found himself lawless. Such was the element that caused the transformation of Winnie the Pooh into Pooh Jack. Now a vigilante of the ring, he is never seen without his “hunny pot” full of weapons. For over a year, he fought wrong doers as he saw fit, a judge, jury, and executioner set to balance the scales where the Panther had made them uneven. Pink Panther was well known to show favoritism to those he considered “under appreciated” Hoodslammers, and had even joined Super Tiger and Anthony Butabi as a team in spirit of rebellion against the status quo. But when the duo lost a match due the interference of Pooh Jack, Panther made the ultimate challenge: his stripes vs. Pooh Jack’s rights – not just to party, but to fight.
When the match began, there was little question as to the victor. Pooh Jack and his hunnypot tore right through the Pink protagonist, and within minutes Pooh Jack had won the match AND the right to be Official Senior Official once more! But things had changed in the young bears life, and he knew he could never go back. Being Pooh Jack was his destiny, and in a show of respect, he awarded the title of Official Senor Official to El Sparko. El Sparko rejoiced, and the referee who’d called it down the middle with masked enthusiasm now saw himself in the top spot in the business! And the Panther, no longer in charge of laying down the law, has found himself in a very disadvantageous position.
INTERMISSION – GIG –
Sinn Bohdi, we told ya he was weird. Not only did he blow himself up for his entrance, he came back, and he gave the people more. Breaking cinder blocks on his body with bowling balls (with some assistance from THE Brian Kendrick), cutting fruit in half with swords while it laid on the flesh of fans, and generally causing a frenzy, the madman was a freakshow highlight reel come to life. At the end of this thrilling performance, Sinn Bohdi let the fans know that HE would be winning the Battebowl Championship Tournament, and there’s nothing anyone could do about it!
BROCK LESNAR MEMORIAL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT BATTLEBOWL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH 4 –
Super Tiger and Manimal defeated Mega Man and Sagat
Mega Man and Sagat would normally be at a great advantage, as the two have fought side by side in the 2nd CAPCOM Wars for the last 6 months. But lately, the team has seemed to fall apart. First, Sagat and Blanka blamed him for a loss to Johnny Cage and Eddie Gordo at the March event. Then, Mega Man revealed he cared not for CAPCOM’s plans, but joined the team as a ploy to get closer to Cammey, who he’d grown fond of over the last year at Hoodslam. But when it was revealed that Cammey had already been dating someone, and that it was a Hoodslammer, all hell broke loose in the Capcom camp. Mega Man and Sagat were arguing before even starting the match, the two finally turning their attention to Cammey, in demand that she reveal the Hoodslammer in question. After much consternation, she finally blurted out that it was Johnny Drinko Butabi. Great displeasure washed over Team CAPCOM, but there was no time to lament. Manimal, 300 pounds of Texas fury, was making his Hoodslam debut and would not be denied his time to shine. Super Tiger, although easily distracted by balls of yarn and a belly rub, also fought with great vigor, as he no longer wished to be seen as a second tier performer. His alliance with Pink Panther may have proven helpful, or perhaps the tear in Team CAPCOM finally became a rip; regardless of reason, Manimal and Super Tiger were victorious, and moved on to the finals of the Brock Lesnar memorial.
BROCK LESNAR MEMORIAL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT BATTLEBOWL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH 5 –
Brian Kendrick and Drugs Bunny defeated El Chupacabra and Blanka
Surely the highlight for many in attendance this evening was seeing Brian Kendrick in a Hoodslam ring. A former WORLD Champion, world famous performer, and a classy human being, THE Brian Kendrick did not disappoint! His teaming with Drugs Bunny brought much joy to the crowd, as did El Chupacabra teaming with Blanka! Despite his allegiance to Team CAPCOM, Blanka was able to work well with Chupy. Brian Kendrick and Drugs Bunny also seemed cohesive, although planning anything with Drugs Bunny can prove beyond difficult if you’re not James. Despite being bitten, battered, electric shocked, and Oak-town ROCKED by the feral duo, Brian Kendrick was able to hit the Sliced Bread Number TWOOOOO on El Chupacabra, and advanced himself and James Gang member Drugs Bunny into the Battle Royal Tophy match, which happened IMMEDIATELY after the pinfall….
BROCK LESNAR MEMORIAL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT BATTLEBOWL CHAMPIONSHIP BATTLE ROYAL MATCH –
Scott Rick Stoner, Anthony Butabi, Otis the Gimp, Sinn Bohdi, James, Ms Bratt, Manimal, Super Tiger, Brian Kendrick, and Drugs Bunny
This was the ten man battle royal final of the tournament! Every man or woman or beast for themselves, being thrown over the top rope and touching the floor is the only means of elimination! The shit went down in the hood, a whole lot of things happened, and in the end we were left with three: James, Super Tiger, and Brian Kendrick. Destiny must have once again played a factor at the two year anniversary, because Super Tiger was somehow able to eliminate both Brian Kendrick and James as they battled each other, and won the Tournament AND the Brock Lesnar Memorial Trophy. With it, he was now the holder of the right to fight any hoodslammer, any time he wanted, in any kind of match he wanted.
GOLDEN GIG CHAMPIONSHIP LETHAL LOTTERY BONUS MATCH
The Man with the Golden Gig Guile defeated Ryu, DARK Sheik, and Scorpion
This was our main event, and it had funky rules just to confuse everyone. Guile, the defending Golden Gig Champion and true leader in this 2nd CAPCOM War, was set to defend against Ryu. But two other competitors, chosen randomly from the list of Lethal Lottery Tournament entrants were selected to take part. Two would start, and another would enter every two minutes. All but the winner would be eliminated by pinfall or submission, and he who stood last would be the Man with the Golden Gig.
Guile began the match, and his first opponent would be a surprise to him and the crowd. DARK Sheik made his way to the ring, and two exchanged offense until Guile was able to land a hellacious SONIC BOOM. This gave time for the next entrant, RYU, to make his way to the ring. He and Guile had fought the last two months, and still had plenty left to dish out. He was able to best the army man from USA, and stood tall as the last mystery entrant entered, SCORPION. New to Hoodslam, and a sure crowd pleaser, SCORPION and Ryu faced off, and the two warriors took good view of the opponent that they had heard so much about. DARK Sheik would ruin the moment, though, and attack RYU from behind, then charged Scorpion. The spear and uppercut did not take long to see, and soon all hell broke loose. Bodies were flying everywhere, alliances were made and broken, and in the very very end, the last pinfall was awarded to Guile defeating Ryu.
Ryu, though beaten, was never a fool. In a show of respect, he shook the hand of Guile, and told him that he was a great warrior. Ryu would return home to practice and uppercut waterfalls, and someday would eagerly return to face the great competition in Hoodslam. With this act, the 2nd CAPCOM Wars came to an end, and Guile was left standing as the man with the Golden Gig.
BUT WAIT, there’s more….Rasta Mysterio, missing from action in recent months, rushed the ring and attacked Guile in his moment of celebration. Soon Super Tiger and Anthony Butabi, being led by the Pink Panther, made their way to the ring and things became clear. Pink Panther stated that Rasta had also felt overlooked, and all of that was going to change. Super Tiger would use his prize right then, and challenge Guile to the match he wanted, a 3 on 1 Golden Gig Championship match. Guile, though weary from battle, had no choice but to accept, and started by kicking the smirk off of Pink Panthers face. He would kick all three opponents as well, and briefly seemed to be on his way to victory. But the sheer numbers and weight finally became to much, and after a multitude of tandem offense, all 800+ pounds of Anthony Butabi, Super Tiger, and Rasta Mysterio pinned the American hero to the mat, and declared themselves ALL the Champions of the Golden Gig. Panther would recover, and despite all the pain and grief of the evening, the self proclaimed “under appreciated” now found themselves at the top of the HOODSLAM mountain.
Hoodslam would like to thank our ever growing audience and the 300+ fans who attended that evening. You’re a loud, crazy, creative group of wonderfuls, and without you, we’d be empty inside. You complete me. Two years down, and we’re just getting started…
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