Hoodslam XIX (March 2, 2012) Results

The mood was tense at the Oakland Metro, as this was the last stop before the two year anniversary and the Brock Lesnar Memorial Lethal Lottery Tag Team Tournament Battlebowl Championship.  In anticipation of the annual event, a number of lethal lottery one on one matches went down, as well as another huge chapter in what has now become the second Capcom War.

The show started with the usual fanfare, with Emcee Ike “Emelio” Burner leading the charge.  After introducing the over 200 fans to our commentators JuggalOG Kevin Gill and Tough Enough’s “Tumbleweed” A.J. Kirsch, the band “Scrotal Recall” rocked out hard and we were underway!


This was the first lethal lottery match of the night, and it was a barn burner of a slobberknocker.  These two had met in the past, and were no strangers to battle with each other.  It was clear that Sagat, despite having laser surgery on his original bad eye after Juiced Lee ripped out his original good eye, still didn’t like the looks of Otis.  Otis, being the sexual deviant that he is, has never not liked the look of anything.  The muy thai fighter was skilled, but eventually out matched, and Otis the Gimp picked up the win, and gave some much needed momentum to Hoodslam in the midst of this CAPCOM War!


This match was a doozy.  Six participants took place in what must be the most epic second match in Hoodslam history!  Anthony Butabi, now once again estranged from his living brother Johnny Drinko, has taken up a friendship with Super Tiger.  The two have made it clear that they are believers of the Pink Panthers words: that those on top have blocked opportunity to others.  Chupacabra, one of those mentioned by Panther specifically, took offense, as did his partner in mythology, the Lyrical Leprachaun, Hornswaggar!  And the James Gang…well, they just don’t like anyone.  These three teams fought tooth and nail, and at one point all heck broke loose and bodies flew everywhere!  And when the shit goes down, that usually means one thing:  POOH JACK!  The angry bear from 100 Acres brought his honey pot of weapons and proceeded to unleash every one of them onto unlucky adversaries!  Hornswaggar and El Chupacabra were able to capitalize, and they scored the pinfall on Anthony Butabi.

After the match, Official Senior Official Pink Panther made his way to the stage and shared his frustration with the crowd.  He addressed Pooh Jack, who was still in the ring, and lumped him into those that held down the others.  Despite the crowd disagreeing, Panther stated that Anthony Butabi and Super Tiger would have won, but Pooh Jack stole that from them.  Pink Panther could not deal with the idea of Pooh Jack being in the Lethal Lottery at I still KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST HOODSLAM, and made a shocking challenge: He would put his Official Senior Official status, that he won from Pooh Jack over a year ago, on the line in a match against Pooh Jack!  But if he won, Pooh Jack would be banned from Hoodslam FOREVER.  The two agreed, and at the second anniversary the two will take part in a battle that promises to permanently change the landscape of Hoodslam.


This was our second lethal lottery random match of the night, and it featured two brothers who weren’t getting along with their siblings!  Rick Scott, with his valet Stoner Bunny, has been avoiding fighting his own flesh for some time now.  Drinko, who just a month ago rejoined and split with his brother Anthony, is an alcoholic who had never pinned anyone in Hoodslam (despite being the first Golden Gig champion).  Notwithstanding, the two of these put on a terrific match that kept the people guessing the entire time.  In the end, Scott Rick Stoner came down to the ring, and when nobody was looking, he switched places with his brother in the ring!  He quickly snatched up the confused Johnny Drinko and fell to his back, lying down for the referee to count the supposed win!  Scott Rick had stolen a win from his brother, and Drinko finally pinned someone at Hoodslam!  Scott Rick upped the carnage, and after tying his twin Rick Scott to the ropes, he attacked his valet Stoner Bunny with a brutal back breaker, and eventually humbled her with a even brutaler camel clutch submission hold!  He had warned his brother that he would take action, but everyone in Hoodslam was left in awe by the actions of Scott Rick Stoner that night.

The next segment of Hoodslam was surreal.  Gorilla Zombie Vinny Butabi and Doc Atrocity made their way to the ring, presumably for a lethal lottery random match.  But when their opponent, the DARK Sheik made his way to the ring, he brought a chair.  As did OG Kevin Gill, Ike Burner, and Johnny Drinko Butabi.  The four surrounded the confused Doc, who protected his simple Gorilla Zombie friend.  But the four did not want to use the chairs for fightin’, they wanted them for sittin’.  Cuz they were about to have an intervention.

DARK Sheik explained to Doc Atrocity that he had a problem.  The problem being that he keeps trying to save the rotting body and mind of Vinny Butabi.  After having his heart ripped, being brought back as a zombie, being infected by an alien virus, becoming a father, and then having his brain changed with that of a gorilla, people had seen enough.  The four shared how Doc Atrocity’s actions had hurt them, whether it be through leaving gunk of microphones, to stealing blood, to keeping alive the rotted body of an adopted brother, everyone had seen enough.  And nobody really understood the storyline anymore.  Either way, it was time to call it quits.  DARK Sheik had disclosed a plan A that was turned down by the group, but plan B consisted of this: Doc Atrocity takes his giant hammer, and he ends the (after)life of the Vinny.  Much like Lenny in ‘Of Mice and Men’, Zombie Vinny stared into the distance as the hammer was lifted high above the twisted doctors head…but he couldn’t do it.  DARK Sheik quickly hit the ring and attacked both, determined to finish the job.  He even attempted to kill the two headed undead baby of Zombie Vinny, using him to deliver a van terminator across the ring.  I think one of the heads died, not sure how that works when you’re a zombie baby.  But in the end, the Doc and Vinny were able to defeat the DARK Sheik, and thwart his sinister plans.  Afterward, DARK Sheik spoke on the microphone about the need to bring back plan A, and it was announced that for the good of Hoodslam, next month at the anniversary show Juiced Lee would take on Zombie Vinny in a battle to the death.  Juiced Lee, the man who ripped out the heart of Zombie Vinny in april 2010, will now have to come full circle with his deeds, and take on a product of his own creation two years later.


This was supposed to be a rematch of the Bloodslam championship, but Rasta Mysterio had to pull out due to injury.  JAMES, ever the loud spoken gang leader that he is, talked some shit, dropped some science, and entered himself into the match in his place!  These three tore it up, no bullshit.  James is the f’n boss, and he brings it.  Scott Rick is the BLOODKING of Hoodslam, and has his eyes on the prize of the Gig.  And Juiced Lee…shit, he’s Juiced Lee.  It gets no bigger than he.  Guns were blazing and bombs were dropped, but it was an outsider who dealt the final blow, when Rick Scott got his revenge for Stoner Bunny, and cost Scott Rick the match to Juiced Lee!  It was quite a moment, as Rick Scott had refused to fight his own twin, but now the terms had changed!  The two agreed that at the 2 year anniversary, each would enter the lethal lottery and have random partners.  But they demanded that they face each other as opponents in the tournament.  Hoodslam is only happy to oblige, and Scott Rick and ? v. Rick Scott and ? has been signed for  I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST HOODSLAM!


Johnny Cage had sent this challenge out to team CAPCOM, and Mega Man and Blanka stepped up.  Many speculated who his partner might be; a hoodslammer?  another mortal kombat character?  Perhaps a disgruntled Street Fighter?  In the end, it was revealed as something else entirely: EDDIE GORDO  of TEKKEN!  This dancing barefoot martial arts master was more than pleased to step in against Capcom, especially with the release of TEKKEN x STREET FIGHTER on video game consoles debuting mere days later!  The two caught the Capcomers off guard, and Johnny Cage and Eddie Gordo picked up another huge win for Hoodslam!

Post match, the rest of CAPCOM blamed Mega Man for the loss.  He brushed off their comments, and focused instead on Cammey.  The beret wearing british street fighter was confused, but Rock made it clear: he had a crush on blondey.  He even went as far as to say that the only reason he ever turned on Hoodslam for Capcom was to get closer to her.  And now, he knew the time was right for them to be together.  Cammey, though flattered, had to decline, as she was already dating someone.  The CAPCOM team exchanged glances, and after a little confusion it became clear that she was not dating any of them!  She was questioned, and pressured, and finally revealed that it wasn’t any of them…because it was a HOODSLAMMER!  Before they could find out who, the theme that goes with everything started to play, and our main event was on its way!




As per stipulation of Johnny Cage and Eddie Gordo’s victory, team CAPCOM was banned from ringside for this match.  RYU was not deterred however, and his confidence was clear.  GUILE, earning the right to challenge RYU after pinning him a month earlier in a tag match, looked prepared as well, and the two embarked on an athletic journey that changed both of them irrevocably.  These two battled head on in the ring, and the result was electric.  As is Street Fighter rules, one must secure two victories against his opponent to be declared the victor.  RYU scored one early, and looked like he might sweep GUILE clean in the match.  But he persevered, and the USA chants from the crowd must have fired him up, as he came back not just for another fall, but for two straight falls!  This gave him the win, the GIG, and all the momentum in this hard fought Hoodslam v. CAPCOM War!

Hoodslam thanks the 200+ who attended Hoodslam XIX!  You guys rule, and we like you a lot and stuff.  Your support keeps us alive!