November to Recollect: Hail to the Chiefer (AKA Turkey Day Fuckfest) (Nov 2, 2012) Results

November 2nd, 2012

Approximately 300 paid

1. E. Honda defeated Virgil Flynn the Third

– James issued addressed the audience and his main event match with Rik Stoner, the winner of October’s Royal Rumble of Ranking Ramifications.  He went on to declare ultimate victory, and issued a challenge to Rik Scott’s estranged brother Scott Rik Stoner.

2. Drugz Bunny & Stoney Montana defeated Scott Rik Stoner

– Abe Lincoln entered the Oakland Metro with his bodyguard Wonder Woman Shelly Martinez.  He then invited all candidates in the Mayor of Hoodslam election to come forth and speak to the people.  The GobbledyGooker, Pink Panther, and Johnny Drinko Butabi all came forth, but the proceedings were interrupted when a ninja attempted to assassinate President Lincoln.  He swiftly avoided, and the GobbledyGooker was instead wrongly murdered.  Wonder Woman was able to subdue the culprit, and upon removal of his mask all were made aware of the fact that the ninja was indeed John Wilkes Booth.  He made his escape, and Lincoln, distracted by the opportunity for man love with Good Old Gay-R ended this confusing yet over segment.

3. The Knights of the Roxbury (Johnny Drinko and Anthony Butabi) defeated the Panther Party (Grand Master G and Rasta Mysterio) after Pooh Jack got involved

4. DARK Sheik defeated El Chupacabra and successfully defended the East Bay Express Readers Choice Award for Best Athlete in the East Bay (Tied with Tim Thompson)

– Otis the Gimp entered before this match could get underway, and apologized to Chupacabra for all the recent beef they’ve had.  He wanted to have a fresh start, and along with all of Displayed Labors Sideshow (Courtney Crimson, Chi-Kitty Baker, and Twitch) would cheer on Chupacabra in his endeavor to be named Best Athlete.  It was Otis over excitement that distracted Chupacabra, leading to his eventual defeat.  Afterwards, Otis apologized again, but was interrupted by Doc Atrocity.

5. Super Red Rhino 2099 defeated Otis the Gimp in Doc Atrocity’s Super Red Rhino 2099 Arcade Challenge (after revenge interference from El Chupacabra)

– The amazing, talented, lovely and sensually inspirational D. FAUST debuted at Hoodslam, and her burlesque abilities were of such gifted levels that the crowd could only respond with “holy shit”.  We’re a classy bunch.

6. Shelly Martinez/Joe De Soul/Ultragirl Brittany Wonder/Sexy Chino & Scorpion defeated Johnny Cage/Nightwolf/Zangief/Blanka & Ryu

– Abe Lincoln once again addressed the crowd, and told them the voting for Mayor of Hoodslam had almost concluded.  Both surviving candidates would address the crowd once more, and then Lincoln would check his iphone and tell us whoever won.  Just go with it.  After a much approved speech from Johnny Drinko Butabi, a distraught Pink Panther sensed ultimate defeat.  Instead of a speech, he wallowed into the microphone, ultimately saying that Drinko was an alocholic and only cared about booze and women, where as Panther would sell his soul to be mayor of Hoodslam.  Time stopped, and the devil (accompanied by Courtney Crimson) accommodated the Panther’s wishes.  Satan left with his contract, time unfroze, and to Lincoln’s surprise, Panther had won the election!  In celebration, John Wilkes Booth again emerged to assassinate his long time nemesis.  Lincoln was swift though, and evaded the bullet.  Panther was instead accidentally shot by Booth, and bled pink goo all over the ring.

7. Rik Scott Stoner defeated James to become the man with the Golden Gig…sorta…

After much interference from Stoney and Drugz, Scott Rik Stoner came to the aid of his brother- Despite having feuded with him since January of this year.  With the referee distracted and slightly blinded by a cloud of cocaine, Scott Rik was able to pin James despite not being in the match, and was awarded the Golden Gig.  He would then reunite with his twin brother, and the Stoner Brothers held the Gig high as a duo.