HoodSlam Francisco: Bright Lights, Gig City
Saturday, August 23, 2014
San Francisco, CA
Paid attendance: 290
On this night, the Hoodslam Band, from the corner of Taint and Ass-bury, was known as Rice-a-Blow Me: The San Francisco Skeet.
Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody (WWE Tough Enough’s A.J. Kirsch) and one-half of “The Knights of the Roxbury” Jonathan Butabi.
- The team of DARK Sheik and “The Russian Lover” Zangief def. the team of Scorpion and the PB&J Banana when Zangief hit a spinning piledriver on the PB&J Banana.
- Top of the Skydreamers Miracle eXstacy Cup Round-Robin Tournament Thizz or Die Dance of Destiny Block Party Gauntlet match: El Chupacabra and “The Hero of Time” Link advanced to the semi-finals. I don’t really know how it worked. The winners got points. Math n’ stuff. Basically, it’s Starrcade ’89. Kinda. Whatever. F*ck the fans.
- Super Mutant Rockin’ Red Rhino 2099 challenge: Super Mutant Rockin’ Red Rhino 2099 def. Cereal Man with the Rhino Punch.
- “Broseph” Joe Brody def. Doc Atrocity via disqualification when Giggles the Clown interfered on Doc’s behalf. The two then assaulted Brody until Pooh Jack arrived and f*cked everyone up.
- Golden Gig Championship: Juiced Lee (champion) def. Ken (with Cammy and Cammy’s Ass) with a top-rope moonsault.
- Double X Chromosome Challenge: “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder def. “Wonder Woman” Shelly Martinez with the Butt of Doom in the very first woman-vs-woman match in Hoodslam history.
- Main Event: Battle of the Bay II – A best-of-seven World Series tag team match: The Knights of the Roxbury (Jonathan Butabi and Anthony Butabi) def. The Stoner Brothers (Rick-Scott and Scott-Rick, with Coach Joey Nuggs and “Waterboy” Bobby Burgerhands) with a home run that sent Scott-Rick out of the park while Jonathan Butabi was called “safe” as he slid into home (“home” meaning Rick-Scott’s face). The ramifications of the Battle of the Bay II were felt throughout northern California when history was compelled to repeat itself, as a 6.1 earthquake rocked the San Francisco Bay Area at 3:20amPST.
To see this show and previous shows in their entirety, check out www.SmartMarkVideo.com/Hoodslam
Hoodslam runs at the Oakland Metro Opera House every first Friday of the month and will return on Friday, September 5 for “Fanarchy Rulz.”
Hoodslam is a 21+ event. DON’T BRING YOUR F*CKING KIDS!
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