Based off New Mutants #38, this cover featured the team dreaming themselves walking into their own graves. QUITE APRAPOS, as the The Fallen have stated that they will return for the first time since murdering four of our roster at the Fall of the Hoodslammer 3/3/23. The Hoodslammers left have only ever known a life of battle, but what happens when that life is on the line?
WHY THE NEW HOODSLAM?
As the blood still dries on unholy soil, an ALL NEW ALL DIFFERENT Hoodslam starts to bloom. Based off the iconic and famous and you should know it cover to GIANT SIZE X-MEN #1, a new team found themselves replacing the old team, ushering in the Wolverines, Storms, Nightcrawlers and Collossi we all know to this day. Will this be the start of a new generation of world warriors come to Oakland?
Allie Katch defends the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks v VIPRESS
Anton Voorhees faces the debuting SONICO
EMO HEADS Brooke Havok / Alan Angels / Brutally EMO Rob Hands v LOST TREASURES Matt Carlos / Joe DeSoul / for some reason Lara Frazier
DARK Sheik against the equally debuting JACK of CARTWHEEL
The Stoner Brothers of the BOOM GANG defend their newly won intergalactic Tag Team Championship against El Chupacabra and Juice Lee
Trish Adora, M Y L O, Sandra Moone, Brittany Wonder… maybe all in one match?
In an Entertania 2 Rematch, Drugz Bunny takes on James C
ALSO the return of THE FALLEN, invaders from a dimensional gateway torn into our reality when a sentient atomic bomb detonated itself during a Golden GiG Championship match. These same invaders who committed the Fall of the Hoodslammer 3/3/23 when they no-future-endeavored Glorious Banana, Sweet Boone, Bat-Manuel and our Golden GiG Champion PONG, and then absconded with said Golden GiG. The stench of death and angels signify their approach…birds will fall…
NEW CAPTAIN OF THE CHAMPION SHIP CAPTAIN JOSEPH JANELAUNIFIED BEST ATHLETE IN THE EAST BAY ACKNOWLEDGE HER ALLIE KATCHRECORD TYING 4TH TIME INTERGALACTIC TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE STONER BROTHERS
Things are happening in the FTF-Universe, and we’re here to catch you all up! FIRSTLY, at 5/5 SCHISM we saw Allie Katch and MacDaddy M Y L O both score the pin on defending champion JTG. Thusly, Referee Nuk Nuk Johnson erred on the side of history and awarded a Golden Fannypack to each competitor.
Later that night, we saw Joey Janela make his Hoodslam debut and main event against defending Captain of the Champion Ship Johnny Butabi. After an intense battle, the 11 month reign would come to an end and the Champion Ship would have a second ever and NEW CAPTAIN, Captain Joseph Janela.
In Las Vegas on 5/26/23 Wrestling Tender After Dark aka Tombstone Polydriver, it was technically after midnight when the Stoner Brothers defeated InterGalactic Tag Team Champions Vipress and DARK Sheik, putting an end to their short but saucy reign.
Later yet that very same EVE(MORN?), Allie Katch and M Y L O played Double or Nothing! Both put their Fannypacks on the line and it was 1/3 of Thrussy and 1/2 of Bussy and 2/1 of Best Athlete when Allison hit the pussy piledriver to pick up the win and once more unify sports, declaring ACKNOWLEDGE ME skajajakaja she the one.
ok you’re caught up, watch this stuff on FITE+ STREAMED HAMS
Hoodslam 5/5/23 Schism results from 300 Block of Castro St. in Oakland, California. The event live streamed on FITE+.
Da Squaaa [Kenny K/ Hop Daddy/Alpha Zo] def. The New Dawgz [Marcelo Montoya and Joey Gonzo] and Richard Shhhhhhhhnary
The CAUTION (Dark Sheik & Anton Voorhees) with mystery partner Allie Katch def. Emo Heads (Brooke Havok, Alan Angels and Emo Brutal Rob Hands)
Glampionship Match: Brittney Wonder (c) def. Trish Adora to retain the Glampionship
The BOOM Gang [Rick Stoner/ Scott Stoner/ James] C def El Chupacabra, Juice Lee and Drugz Bunny
4-way Scramble for the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fanny Packs Championship: Mac Daddy M Y L O and Allie Katch def Bart Man and JTG (c) as they get a double pin and they each leave with one of the Golden Fanny Packs
Joey Janela def Captain Johnny Butabi to become new Captain of the Champion Ship
With all the trauma our Hoodslammers have faced, it only makes sense for them to fracture into their own groups. Which group will survive this SCHISM?
Returning to Hoodslam after defending the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks around the world, it is JTG J THA GAWD. He puts his title on the line against 3 other opponents to be determined in a FATAL FOURWAY FOR THE FANNYS.
The EMO HEADS Brooke Havok, Allen Angels and Emo Brutal Rob Hands have struck first blood! But now… CAUTION TIME. The call is answered by DARK Sheik and Anton Voorhees and a partner to be decided (Vipress was busy :/)!
Trish Adora has earned the right by combat: She is next in line to challenge Brittany Wonder for the title Brittany has proudly held and defended since June 4th, 2022 – the GLAMPIONSHIP.
What’s up, its D-Rogue!
After the end of Fallen Idols, we’ve seen battle lines drawn. El Chupacabra, Drugz Bunny and Juice Lee on one side, and a reformed James Gang consisting of The Stoner Brothers and the titular James C on the other. On 5/5 its a 3v3, LETS CROSS THE LINE BLUUAGHHHH
And in our main event probably, The Captain of the Champion SHIP Johnny Butabi puts it all on the line against the debuting Bad Boy Joey Janela! He’s wanted to be in Hoodslam for years, but who’s got their hooks in whoom?
GO TO SCHISM, on 3rd x Broadway outside and with Oakland Metro Operahouse, $25 tickets, for the love of jtg the gawd don’tbringyourfnkids
From Continental Club Oakland, 4/8/23 Hosted by Veda Scott and Broseph Joe Brody Referees Wiggles and Nuk Nuk Johnson
1. Brittany Wonder defeated Richard Shhhnary, Lara Frazier and DARK Sheik in a fatal fourway to retain the GLAMpionship
Wonder Dave would then come to the ring to eulogize those who had lost their lives at 3/3/23’s Fall of the Hoodslammer: Bat Manuel, PONG, Glorious Banana and Sweet Boone. Brutal Rob Hands would become emotional during the event, and cause a scene that could only be diffused by the emo hug of the visiting D-Torch, who showed up for some reason.
2. Brooke Havok defeated Anton Voorhees in an EMO RULES Match after Allen Angels interfered. The CAUTION would confront Brooke and Allen about this, but were then attacked by the updated EMO BRUTAL Rob Hands. Emo Brutal would then embrace the Emo Heads and leave with them in hopes to learn how to better control his emotions.
3. Da Squaaad [Kenny K – D-Rogue – Hop Daddy] defeated Cereal Man – Joey Gonzo – Marcelo Montoya (who I guess we’re calling NEW DAWGS)
4. Vipress defeated Maki Itoh after DARK Sheik interfered
5. Trish Adora defeated MacDaddy M Y L O to earn the right to challenge for the GLAMpionship at 5/5/23 SCHISM
6. El Chupacabra (accompanied by Okami) defeated James C, after the Stoner Brothers interfered and betrayed El Chupacabra and aligned with James to reform the James Gang but then Juice Lee came out and helped Chupy but eventually the numbers were too much so Drugz Bunny showed up and all 6 kinda fought around and I think Okami hair whipped a stoner brother in the eye somewhere and then Chupy won.
