Victory: HOODSLAM! (April 11, 2010) Results

April 11, 2010
24th and San Pablo, Oakland CA at the Victory Warehouse

About 70-80 people turned up for this admission free show. The band “Einstye” entertained the crowd before, during, and after the entire event. The show opened with ring announcer Ike “Emelio” Burner thanking the crowd for attending, and introducing the Hoodslam staff – Commentators Kevin Gill and Lars Frederickson, Head Referee Tobias, and Special Guest Nixxi, who arrived to perform the national anthem. Before she could start though, Sheik Khan Abadi bum rushed the ring and clotheslined her in the back of the head. He then began a tirade against the crowd, saying that he thought the promoter of this show was an idiot, and that was planned for tonight was an insult to professional wrestling. He went on to say that only Americans would infuse so much drugs and alcohol into wrestling, and that as a real athlete from Iran he was disgusted. He demanded his opponent come to the ring right then, so that he could finish his match and leave as quickly as possible.

1. Juiced Lee d. Sheik Khan Abadi
– This match had great high flying, fast paced action. The fury and anger of the Sheik was no match though, as Juiced Lee made short work of him, defeating him with a Dragon Uppercut followed by the BRAINBUSTAH! As the Sheik left, he swore he would return and get the last laugh.

2. Reverend Helfyre d. Silent Assassin Jean-Pierre
Before the match Jean-Pierre, the number one Mime in professional wrestling today, amused the crowd by walking down the invisible stairs and narrowly avoiding suffocation with the invisible rope, but came up just short of the Reverend after being pulled off the top rope with his own invisible lasso. If fan reaction is any indicator, Jean Pierre will so be silently thrilling crowds again in the near future.

3. Vinny Butabi w/Anthony and Johnny Butabi (The Knights of the Roxbury) d. La Generica
The Butabi brothers were in full force tonight, smoking blunts and polishing off a bottle of ancient age whiskey on the way to the ring. La Generica, as the commentary supports, is one of the few luchadores to also perform in the donkey show. After finally deciding who would compete against her, Vinny used his strength to outmatch the confused young girl in the ring. With outside assistance from his brothers, Vinny was able to pick up the win with a earth shattering heart punch.

After the match, the Butabi’s decided to once again dance to the beat of “What is Love” and celebrated with more blunts and whiskey. Their celebration was cutshort however, as they were interrupted by one of the most popular teams in Hoodslam’s deep history, Rasta Mysterio and Tokey the Laid Back Gorilla.

4. Tokey the Laid Back Gorilla and Rasta Mysterio d. The Knights of the Roxbury
Anthony and Johnny stepped up in this bout, however they refused to relinquish their bottle of whiskey while in the ring. Rasta and Tokey themselves smoked a few fatties before handing them off to the eager crowd. This match was a mat classic and a true clinic of wrestling psychology that any fan or veteran could appreciate. Despite massive amounts of head butts, nerve holds, and snap mares, Tokey and the half Jamaican Mysterio were able to pull off the victory.

After the match, Rasta and Tokey decided to do their usual post match ritual, and celebrated with another adult cigar. However, they were sneak attacked by the D.E.A., who had been anonymously tipped off to the activities going on in the Victory Warehouse that evening. In the carnage that ensued, Tokey was able to make an escape, but the three agents were able to subdue and cuff Rasta. They then told the angered crowd that after dropping off Rasta, they would return for anyone else still in the building.

As the D.E.A. left, the Knights of the Roxbury had finally composed themselves, and decided once more that it was time to dance. “What is Love” blared over the PA for the fourth time this evening, and somebody had finally had enough. Juiced Lee returned to the ring, and quickly dispatched of both Johnny and Anthony in the ring. Vinny attempted to sneak up on the angry dragon, but he saw him coming, and blinded him with a mist. As Vinny swayed, Juiced Lee dug deep, and then dug deeper, and removed the beating heart from the chest of Vinny Butabi, much to the delight of the crowd, and finally stopped the music. As he departed, the Reverend Helfyre re-emerged, and stole the now lifeless body of Vinny Butabi, for reasons yet to be made clear.

Einstye once again entertained the crowd as only they could. Halfway through the set, the D.E.A. returned and bum rushed the stage the band played on, and said that they wanted to finish off Hoodslam for good. They insulted the crowd, calling them scumbags amongst other things, and issued a challenge to who they called the biggest scumbag of them all. The challenge was answered, and was Hoodslam’s main event-

5. Otis the Gimp (w/Dolly v3.0) d. D.E.A. Rookie agent
As the challenge was issued, the leader of the DEA sent they’re rookie member to take on Otis and his inflatable sheep Dolly (version 3.0). Although the Rookie was big, Otis was bigger, and after a match that kept the crowd on its feet (there were no chairs, but not the point) Otis the Gimp finished off the rookie with the “Deep Throat Chokeslam”.

After the match, the other two DEA members attempted to attack Otis, but he fought them off. As he had his back turned, Sheik Khan Abadi was able to slither into the ring and hit a devestating low blow that brought the submissive giant to his knees. He and the DEA began to set up a table to put Otis through, but Tokey the Laid Back Gorilla returned for revenge on the DEA! And he brought his friend, another gorilla who has now been revealed as Minor Threat! They fought the DEA away from the ring, giving Otis time to turn the tables on Sheik Khan, and then smash him through it.

Hoodslam would like to thank all the fans who came to this event and made it so great