Hoodslam: Fanarchy Rulez Results
Friday, September 6, 2013
Oakland, Calif. at Oakland Metro Opera House
Paid attendance: 852
On this night, the Hoodslam Band was known as “Gonorrhea in 60 Seconds.” Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody (WWE Tough Enough’s A.J. Kirsch).
(1) “Best Athlete in the East Bay” Title match: Virgil Flynn III beat El Chupacabra (w/Courtney Crimson and Doc Atrocity) with a top-rope 450 splash to retain.
(2) Street Fighter II’s Ken (w/Cammy and Cammy’s Ass) beat Mortal Kombat’s Scorpion with a Hadoken-Shoryuken combo after Sub-Zero and Sindel distracted Scorpion.
(3) Six-Man tag-team match for the Golden Gig: “The Weed Whackers” (former WWE Superstar Bushwhacker Luke) & Golden Gig Champions The Stoner Brothers beat The Knights of the Roxbury (Johnny Drinko Butabi & Anthony Butabi) & Step-daddy Roscoe Butabi when Bushwhacker Luke hit a spear on Stepdaddy Roscoe Butabi to retain the Golden Gig.
(4) Doc Atrocity beat Otis the Gimp after Doc Atrocity’s United Sideshows and Atrocities (USA) clowns interfered with a top-rope senton. Doc Atrocity then attempted to unleash his doomsday device on Hoodslam, only to find that it was gone (or escaped). Livid and embarrassed, Doc Atrocity suddenly resumed the trial of El Sparko, who was charged with crimes against Hoodslam. “KG” Kevin Gill, the other half of the Hoodslam commentary team, emerged from the crowd and revealed that he was the one who assassinated the Pink Panther. In light of this revelation, El Sparko was ruled innocent and KG accepted his punishment: exile from Hoodslam.
(5) 10-man tag team match: The Resistance (Major Meathook & Corporal Clawhammer & Colonel Boltcutter & Lieutenant Bonesplitter & Mr. Hoodslam 8) beat Chicano Flame & “Super Barrio Brother” Jesus Cruz & “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder & Soundwave & Drugz Bunny after James C. left the commentary position and superkicked Drugz Bunny behind the referee’s back.
(6) F.O.N.G. (F’n Obese Nerdy Gamer) beat PB&J Banana with a big splash.
(7) Juiced Lee beat James C., Street Fighter II’s Ryu, Cerebrus, Sub-Zero (w/Sindel), and Charlie Chaplin in a Six Sides of Suicide elimination match when Juiced pinned James C. with a victory roll. The winner became the number one contender for the Stoner Brothers’s Golden Gig.
(8) Juiced Lee & returning DARK Sheik beat The Stoner Brothers after a top-rope moonsault from Juiced Lee to become the new Golden Gig Champions in an impromptu match.