Hoodslam presents “Love the Game” results
Friday, June 7, 2013
Oakland Metro Opera House
Est. paid attendance: 750
On this night, the Hoodslam Band was known as “Donkey Schlong.” Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody (WWE Tough Enough’s A.J. Kirsch) and your Juggalo homie, “KG” Kevin Gill.
(1) “Vampire Warrior” Dracula (Gangrel) won a 12-man video game gauntlet over Simon Belmont, a giant tarantula, a mummy, Super Barrio, Captain Caveman, Blue Beast, “The Modern-Day Hero” Kevin Douglas, Von Kaiser, Lil Mac, Player 2 Zangief, and Glass Joe by wrapping Simon Belmont’s own whip around his neck and delivering an Impaler DDT.
(2) Dark Sheik (disguised as Altair from Assassin’s Creed w/D. Faust) defeated Kratos, the God of War, with the Assassin’s Swan-Dive (senton bomb).
(3) Virgil Flynn defeated Dark Sheik (w/D. Faust) with a 450 splash to become the new Best Athlete in the East Bay (tied with Tim Thompson) after cashing in his Kat Williams Memorial Battle Bowl Championship.
(4) Scorpion & Sub-Zero & Goro the Gimp defeated Guile & Blanka & Zangief (w/Kammy and Kammy’s ass) with a double uppercut in a six-man Mortal Kombat vs. Street Fighter hyper rules tag team match.
(5) James C. (w/Agent 42.0 and Stony Montana) beat Drugz Bunny to retain control of the James Gang in a 1920s street fighter with a Gang Bang from the second rope through a table.
– Special performance by Cat Sweet of Displayed Labors Sideshow.
(6) Ken & Ryu & E. Honda (w/Kammy and Kammy’s ass) beat Johnny Cage & Kano & Nightwolf (w/Sindel) with a Hadouken/Shoryuken/Charging headbutt triple-team in a Street Fither vs. Mortal Kombat hyper rules tag team match.
(7) Main Event: Golden Gig champions the Stoner Brothers turned on their respective teams and declared themselves the winners of a 10-person pick-your-partners tag team elimination match. The match was originally Anthony Butabi, Rick-Scott Stoner, Juiced Lee, “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder, and Soundwave vs. Johnny “Drinko” Butabi, Scott-Rick Stoner, Virgil Flynn, Cassie Summers, and Super Mutant Red Rhino 2099 (w/Doc Atrocity and the United Sideshows of Atrocity).
Hoodslam debuts in Sacramento, Calif. on Saturday, June 22 and returns to the Oakland Metro Opera House on Friday, July 5. Follow Hoodslam on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, all @Hoodslam.