Boyz in the Hoodslam 3 – 37th Chamber (July 5, 2013) Results

Boyz In The Hoodslam 3: 37th Chamber of Hoodslam
Friday July 5th Oakland Metro Operahouse – Oakland, CA
attendance: 500+
Hosted by: KG Kevin Gill, Broseph Joe Brody (a.k.a. A. J. Kirsch) and special guest commentator El Flaco Loco
The Hoodslam Band performed as Red, White & Blaaaaauuuuughh!

* Broseph Brody defeated “Russian Lover” Zangiev w/ Kammy & Kammy’s Ass in the first ever “BROpen Challenge” when Kammy turned on Zangiev and left with Brody who was replaced by El Flaco Loco on commentary.

* Anthony Butabi defeated Johnny “Drinko” Butabi to earn a shot at the Golden Gig in a “High Life” match officiated by special referee Cousin Balki Butabi when Anthony managed to smoke an entire blunt before Drinko could consume an entire alcoholic beverage. After the match, Balki revealed that HE was the Sacramento Snitch that called the police and had Hoodslam shut down before their June 22nd debut in Sac! Balki revealed that he had a date that night with one Officer Foxy of the SCPD. Officer Foxy joined Balki on stage to dance and to announce that she brought her entire precinct along to join the party on the 22nd, leading to Hoodslam’s first Sacramento event never actually occurring. Drinko attacked Balki but was chased off by Virgil Flynn III! Balki tried to thank Virgil but Hoodslam’s high-flying phenomenon would have none of it, calling Balki a dirty snitch and challenging him to an impromptu match…

* Virgil Flynn III defeated Cousin Balki Butabi w/ Officer Foxy in an impromptu match.

* Scorpion, Sub-Zero & Kano w/ Sindel defeated Ken, Dan (substituting for the missing Ryu) and “Ms. Marvel” Brittany Wonder w/ Kammy & Kammy’s Ass in a Streetfighter vs. Mortal Kombat mixed six-person match. After the match, the tension between Scorpion and Sub-Zero continued when Sub-Zero walked out with Sindel after the two MK Ninjas stared each other down once again.

* PB&J Banana won by count-out over E. Honda when the SSF Sumo Machine tore off his wig, revealed that he wasn’t Japanese and announced that he was fed up with the whole E. Honda character before walking out abruptly after the bell rang.

* A special black light burlesque performance by Francine Dead!

* Planet Rock of B-Boy, Boombox & Soundwave defeated the James Gang of James, Drugz Bunny & Stony Montana before leading the fans in a Hoodslam Dance Party!

* Juiced Lee defeated Akeem Jabdul Kabar (a.k.a. Eric Watts) in a special “Kung-Fu Theater Game Of Death” match that saw Kabar plant Lee with a stiff kick to the chest that left a huge black footprint on the “Anabolic Dragon.”

* Golden Gig champions the Stoner Bros. (Rick-Scott & Scott-Rick) defeated Anthony Butabi & mystery partner DRAKE YOUNGER when senior referee El Sparko had security escort Younger from the ring during the match, forcing Anthony to suffer a 2-against-1 beat-down and getting pinned after a wicked Rizzbomb! Before the match, Johnny Drinko Butabi teased reuniting with his brother, but flipped him off and walked out. The Stoners destroyed Anthony until Younger came out to team with the man who earned his respect in one of his final Death matches. It seemed as if the duo of Butabi and Younger were on the verge of winning the Gig when Sparko intervened.

* After the match, Doc Atrocity & his United Sideshows & Atrocities stable appeared on stage and called out El Sparko for all the questionable decisions over the last year, from forcing Dark Sheik to defend his EBX Best Athlete award against his will, to allowing Adam Thornstowe into Hoodslam after he had been banned, to pulling Younger out of the main event. Doc told Sparko he would be put on trial next month for TREASON AGAINST HOODSLAM! Then ordered his Carny Clowns and Mutant Red Rhino to attack the defenseless senior official. Sparko cleverly called for the bell and Rhino suddenly turned on the clowns, destroying them and pinning them in an impromptu match made by the masked referee! Rhino then walked off the stage, ignoring the raving mad Doc and his crew. Without warning, the mysterious technological device that was sent to Hoodslam last week appear on the stage billowing smoke and making bizarre noises. Suddenly, four unknown individuals in paramilitary garb came through the portal demanding to know the date! When KG informed them that it was July 5th 2013, they revealed themselves to be Resistance fighters from the year 2099 to stop the trial of El Sparko! Doc said this was all nonsense and brought out D. Faust to summon his personal demon from the depths of damnation “The Hound Of Hell” Cerberus to join US&A. Doc Atrocity, El Chupacabra & Cerberus called out any three members of the Resistance to a match to determine whether or not the Trial of El Sparko would take place next week. The soldiers from the future used their communicators to call for reinforcements and a enormous masked man appeared to join the soldiers known as Major Meathook & Corperol Clawhammer in a match against United Sideshow & Atrocities…

* Doc Atrocity, “Mexican Werewolf” El Chupacabra & “Hound Of Hell” Cerberus w/ Servo Destructo defeated The Resistance of Major Meathook, Corperol Clawhammer & the mysterious masked man w/ resistance members Sgt. Straightrazor & Private Boltcutter in an impromptu six-man match when Chupacabra connected with his “Spanish Fly” backflip slam off the top rope on the 300 lb. Clawhammer to secure that the Trial Of El Sparko would take place next month!

Hoodslam Returns to the Oakland Metro on August 2nd for the annual Battle Royal Of Supremacy: DAZE OF FUTURE PAST!!!